Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend

I began this post quite some time ago after reading Ogre Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine.  I made a few notes about the book but then wasn't able to write about it for a couple of reasons.  I hate to blame the pandemic because I feel like I've been blaming the pandemic for a lot of things lately, but the truth is the pandemic really did shake things up for me.  

Firstly, work suddenly became highly computer based which led to me clocking an insane number of hours sitting in front of the computer.  And as a result I learned that I am not built for a desk job!  After sitting chained to my desk all day the thought of sitting in front of the computer to write this blog was something I simply couldn't stomach.  Secondly, my mind was so ensnared in the worry and anxiety of the pandemic that not only did I read less, but day by day I felt that I had less and less to contribute in terms of meaningful communications and connections between the books I was reading and the world around me.  The world was turned upside down and I didn't recognize the life I was living nor could I even recognize who I had become while living it it.  

I get that we did what we had to do in order to keep ourselves and one another safe but in doing so my world became unrecognizable to me and as a result I became unrecognizable to myself.  Nearly all of the things that inspired me and brought me the greatest joy slowly disappeared and the woman I was so proud to be quietly eroded away.  

The impact social isolation had on me did not hit home until too late into the process. I suspect my focus on fear and anxiety during the pandemic blinded me from that.

As a result my willing letting go of so many things that made me who I am over 2020 and 2021 unwittingly transformed me without my knowledge.  I became someone I quite literally didn't recognize in the mirror and honestly, I had no idea how I got there. 

This idea of transformation is exactly what Levine's Ogre Enchanted is about.  Evie is transformed into an Ogre against her will and she is forced to navigate the world as a hideous monstrous best.  The novel points out that we can exist on two sides and that we need to accept ourselves for who we are.  That we need to not only love ourselves but love others as well regardless of circumstances.

How perfectly timed the insights this book are as I reflect on my not so positive pandemic transformation.  Here I am now reflecting on who I was, who I became and who I want to be.  

The strange thing is that I've been pitting my pre-pandemic self up against the post pandemic self thinking they are two different versions of me.  But the truth is that they are simply two side of the same coin.  

One side is the self confident, passionate, positive and outgoing productive go getter who is surrounded by family, friends, music, culture, and creativity and the other side is the introspective, introverted, self-reflective, self-critical, anxious and self doubting version of me that has grown out of too much social isolation.

I often think that both versions of me can't exist at the same time.  But the truth is that they can and they are just two sides of the same old me.  

At first this freaked me out because this makes we wonder who I really am?  

Can I be more than one thing at the same time?  

I supposed I can!

Just like a diamond, we are all multifaceted.  And that is what makes us beautiful. So if ever you look in the mirror and feel like you're lost or that you don't recognize who you've become, remember that you are just you and that this is just one part of who you really are.  No one thing or version of yourself  can fully define you.

And when the pressure is on and life has got you down remember that diamonds are simply carbon put under pressure.  It's the pressure that brings out the diamond's strength, luster and beauty.

If diamonds are a girl's best friend, then girl (or whomever you are), be your own best friend and love yourself and all the parts of you that are brilliant, radiant and beautiful.

If Music Be The Words Of Love, Play On

This was shared with me earlier today.  I found it spoke to my heart and soul.  It's a little light for all of us who have felt a little bit too much darkness in the face of the current pandemic.  Enjoy and please feel free to share and comment.

LOCKDOWN 

By: Richard Hendrick

Yes, there is fear.
Yes, there is isolation.
Yes, there is panic buying.
Yes, there is sickness.
Yes, there is even death.

But,

They say that in Wuhan, after so many years of noise
You can hear the birds again.
They say that after just a few weeks of quiet the sky is no longer thick with fumes.
But blue and gray and clear.
They say that in the streets of Assisi people are singing to each other across the empty squares, keeping their windows open so that those who are alone may hear the sounds of family around them.
They say that a hotel in the West of Ireland is offering free meals and delivery to the housebound.
Today a young woman I know is busy spreading fliers with her number throughout the neighborhood so that the elders may haves someone to call on.
Today people are preparing to welcome and shelter the homeless, the sick, the weary.

All over the world, people are slowing down and reflecting.
All over the world people are looking at their neighbors in a new way.
All over the world, people are waking up to a new reality to how big we really are.
To how little control we really have.
To what really matters.
To Love.

So, we remember that yes, there is fear. But there does not have to be hate.
Yes, there is isolation. But there does not have to be loneliness.
Yes, there is panic buying. But there dos not have to be meanness.
Yes, there is sickness. But there does not have to be disease of the soul.
Yes, there is even death. But there can always be a rebirth of love.

Wake to the choices you make as to how to live now.

Today, breathe. 

Listen behind the factory noises of your panic.

The birds are singing again.
The sky is clearing.
Spring is coming.
And we are always encompassed by Love.

Open the windows of your soul and though you may not be able to touch across the empty square, Sing.

Start Using Your Good Dishes, For Real

I just finished reading Margery Williams' children's book The Velveteen Rabbit.  You might be wondering why I decided to read a children's story.  Well, although I read this book years ago as a child, in recent months it has been referenced in the books I've read on two separate occasions.  One specific part of The Velveteen Rabbit was quoted and I felt like it was a sign.  I heard a voice calling which got me thinking that there is something there for me to find.

So, I went out and got my hands on the book and re-read it in all its glory as a full fledged adult.  I didn't even read it to my kids - I read it for me (which I think kind of weirded my kids out - oh well).

The section of the book that was referenced was the part where the bunny asks the skin horse, "What is real?"  and then the horse explains it to him:  ""Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you.  When a child loves you for a long, long time not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, than you become Real.""

The rabbit listens and understands that becoming real is difficult.  In becoming real you get to be loved but in the process your hair thins out, your whiskers fall out and you get "very shabby".  Being real, The Skin Horse explains, is not about how you were made, it's about what happens to you in life.

Being real, I realized is ultimately about allowing yourself to live fully by opening yourself up to being vulnerable.

By being vulnerable we allow ourselves to be loved.  As the Skin Horse points out, if we have edges that are too sharp or break easily then we cannot live fully.  We have to be tough and not break easily otherwise we cannot truly live life to the fullest.  The Skin Horse continues by clarifying that real isn't ugly.  Even though the prospect of becoming damaged as a result of being vulnerable sounds ugly, it is not, "except to people who don't understand."

How often do you place yourself in a position of vulnerability?  How often do you allow yourself to be open to love and living life to the fullest?  Will you let yourself run the risk of getting hurt?  Of getting damaged, lost, abused, or forgotten?

Too often we look at vulnerability and think, nope - that's not for me!  I'd rather not be used.  I'd rather not be abused.  I'd rather not be forgotten.  I'd rather protect myself.

But here's the thing; by protecting yourself you end up being trapped.  You can't experience love and life and all of its joys if you're hiding yourself away in fear of becoming damaged.

This makes me think of the good dishes that sit in my china cupboard.  Every time I pull them the guests' nervousness is palpable.  You see, most people keep their good china safe in the china cabinet for many years.  It remains in pristine condition because it is only used on rare occasions.  It's special, delicate, and expensive, so logically one doesn't want it to get damaged.  Makes sense, I guess.  Do you know someone like that?  Maybe that's you?

Honestly, as much as it makes sense I just don't get it.  I really, really don't.  What's the point of beautiful dishes that one never gets to use and enjoy?  You may as well not have them at all!

I'd rather use my good dishes.

I'd rather see my dishes be used even if it means they could get broken.  I'd rather them become chipped and lose their sheen than be locked in the cupboard never to be pulled out waiting for "one special day".  Dishes that get used get to see family and friends sitting around the table, they get to hear the latest scandals and updates and laugh at the politically incorrect jokes by the inappropriate uncles.  They get to witness my children and nieces grow up and blossom into beautiful young women.  The dishes in the cupboard miss out because they remain trapped - never living to their full potential.

Now I know that people are not good china, but here's what I'm beginning to understand; as I'm starting to see the tell tale signs of growing older and aging I can see the chips and loss of sheen when I look at myself in the mirror.  Sometimes it kind of scares me.  I can see the wrinkles and grey hair peeking over the corners of my eyes and hiding above my temples.

The older I get the more shabby I seem to look.  The older I get the more chances I've had to be broken and hurt.  The older I get the more I put myself out there.  As such I am carry the scars that tell my life story and make me who I am.

Are you getting shabbier too?  Or are you sitting in the china cupboard waiting for one day to come out and experience life?

Even though I can see myself getting shabbier every year, the older I get the fuller my heart is.  The older I get the more joys I have experienced.  Sometimes it feels like with age, the load of life gets heavier but at the same time I'm also getting stronger.

In spite of life's heavy load and all that shabbiness that comes with age The Velveteen Rabbit reminded me that along with all of that we become real.

Real means we've lived.  Real means we were alive.  Real means we were engaged in life and yes, sometimes hurt along the way but in the end we sure as hell had one good ride.

Real means we've allowed ourselves to be vulnerable and come out the other side scythed yet lovely and beautiful.  Real means we don't just sit in the cupboard waiting for a special occasion to be seen.

Let's be vulnerable and embrace the shabbiness of life.  Let's pull out the good dishes for the sake of being real.

The Rest is all Bullshit

I thank my eldest daughter for recommending Jason Reynolds' Long Way Down.  This story, expertly written in prose was an eye opener for me.  Just one look at the back and you know what it's about.

It's about beef.

No, not a cow.

Beef — as in having a problem with someone or something.

Yup, you've been there.  You've had your fair share of beef.  Some of you live life at the beef buffet filling your plates and feeling miserable every step of the way.

You know who you are.  You feel that life is not fair.  That you've been mistreated.  That you cannot trust.  That you've been wronged.

So then you look to what Reynolds calls "the rules".  These are the spoken or unspoken rules of how to live through the bullshit you've experienced so that you can get over it.  Primarily, it has to do with ignoring how you are really feeling and finding a way to get vengeance.

But let me tell you something; at at end of the day all of "the rules" we abide by are bullshit.

At the end of the day when you lay down your head it does not matter if you've had a hard go or if you've gotten ripped off or if you got back at someone.  What really matters is if you can lay down your head with a clear conscience knowing that you did the right thing (not the "rule" thing).

Did you treat the people in your life right?  Did you practice self love? Did you see the humanity in the person in front of you? Did you make the people in your life glad, smile, comfortable, or feel loved even if those moments were merely fleeting?

That's doing the right thing.   That's something you can feel proud of.

You will come across many “rules” in life.  Expectations and demands that may get the better of you. Feeling defeated, exhausted and overworked we can often feel angry and cheated and the "rules" are tempting.  We can feel like pushing our true feelings aside in search of vengeance.

But you are the person that you have to face in the mirror when you wake up the next day.

At the end of the day can you stand looking at yourself in the mirror?  Are you proud of who you are and the choices you've made?  You cannot control other people but you sure as hell can control yourself.

Be the person you wish to see staring back at you.  Even at your worst moments choose love above all else.  Choose that which makes you and others feel good.  Because the bullshit of life will come calling and you need to know when to call it bullshit so that you don’t end up some place you’d rather not be.

This is hard to do because we often get stuck.  We get stuck so we get angry.  We get stuck so we get back at that someone or something.  We get stuck and there you are...still stuck.  Nothing changes.

You need to end the cycle.

End the cycle of anger, jealousy, guilt, aggression, ignorance, and self hate. End the sexism, racism, class-ism, able-ism or whatever isms that have you trapped and seeking vengeance.

Instead of passing on the beef from one generation to the next, just "pass" on the beef entirely.

Fill your plate with what feeds your soul and gives your life real meaning.

Because the rest is all bullshit.

Walk Together In Love

As those of you who have been following my posts since the beginning know, I have been on a mission to read a crazy amount of books as a personal challenge to myself.  I'm now in year three of reading at least 50 books a year.  At this point you might be wondering, what have you gotten out of this situation other than bragging rights?

Well, what have I gotten out of reading so much for the last couple of years?

That is an excellent question.

I believe this journey has taught me something that I think we all know already.  Or at least, should know already.  It's a lesson that is so elementary in nature that you're likely going to laugh or roll your eyes at me when I tell you about it.

Well, insert eye roll here, 'cause I'm about to lay it out for you.

What I have learned more than anything else, regardless of what book I have read, is that above all else, all you need is love.

Yes, you read me correctly.

And no, this is not a Beatles song.

It is actually a legitimate observation that I have made.  It honestly doesn't matter what I read, the underlying message of all the books, whether it is explicitly stated or if it is hidden in the subtext, is to make all decisions in your life with love and to act towards one another with love as your primary response.

Sound ridiculous?

Maybe.

But, just imagine - sorry Beatles, I'm not trying to rip off all of your songs here! - Imagine a world based on loving actions and thoughts.

Can you even imagine a world like this?

I can.

Just think about it with me for a moment or two...

Can you imagine coming face to face with the woman who murdered your brother and then respond to her with love rather than hate?

If not, just read The Huntress by Kate Quinn.

Can you see yourself loosing the love of your life to another man and then sealing your fate to never have a chance to get her back by anonymously paying for life saving medical treatment that will save her husband's life and ensure she gets her "happily ever after"?

If not, just read Dear John by Nicholas Sparks.

Can you picture turning your life's work into something that promotes love, kindness and understanding because you survived the Holocaust?

If not, just read Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl.

Can you imagine living in a neat and tidy home that brings you joy because it only contains items that you love?

If not, just read The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Condo.

Do you need more examples?  Then just start reading because love is exactly what I have discovered in the many books I have read during my personal reading challenge.

Maybe some of you are thinking, to hell with love - money is all you need and then you can afford to buy a life that you love and get whatever you want!  Well, considering the many pro-social experiments that have been done out there it is clear that money may make you feel more comfortable and ensure a certain standard of living, but only to a certain degree.  What money cannot do is make you happy.

Let go of money as the answer to your many woes, and imagine instead wealth measured by the love you have to give to others and to yourself.  Imagine how life changing that could be!

As we approach Valentines Day I'd like to challenge you to make love an every day thing, not a one day thing.

Can you try one of these things out?

- respond in a loving way to someone who has hurt you
- offer care and guidance to someone who has been disrespectful to you
- choose to forgive instead of laying blame
- look in the mirror and thank you body for the many things it accomplishes everyday regardless of how it looks

Don't just buy chocolates and flowers this Friday because real love is so much more than that.

Consider this:  if you paid others in love and kindness, rather than feed your own ego or spend only one day a year thinking about love and what it means, how quickly could you transform your world?

Even in one of my most recent reads, Nicholas Spark's A Walk to Remember we are reminded of what it means to respond in love when it could be so easy to react with fear, hatred, blame or sorrow.

I don't want to ruin A Walk to Remember for you in case you want to read it yourself, but when Landon grants Jamie her greatest wish we might ask ourselves, given the age of the characters, how realistic is this book anyways?  That being said, Landon's ability to help Jamie achieve her dream during the darkest time of her life was the most loving thing he could have done for her.  It gave her the opportunity to have "a walk to remember".

If there is anything I can get out of what I have read over the last few years it is most definitely that love trumps all else.  We walk through life too often harboring jealousy, regret, fear or even hate.

What a heavy load to carry for our many days on this earth.  Imagine instead we choose to shed these burdens of negativity. What a walk it would be if we all walked together in love.

It would indeed be a walk to remember.