My Resolution to Flourish

I begin 2024 with a deep sense of pride. I am proud of what I have accomplished in the past year and how far I've come since I began making myself a priority. Too often, we start a new year with a resolution (a tradition that I loathe). What are New Year's Resolutions anyway? Just a collective self-deception that things will change just by wishing it to be so.

As I look back on some of the posts in this blog, I realize that, while they are not perfect, I see myself reflected in each one. I see my mindset, the deep changes I've undergone, some intense and sincere thoughts, emotions, and reflections. But most of all, I see my resolution to live life fully every day and to create for myself a life full of musings that inspire me to share with you (my dearest reader).

I don't feel awkward or ashamed to say I'm proud. And if I'm being 100% honest, I see my value for what feels like the first time ever. Mind you, I don't see it in every single aspect of my life, but I do see it in my intentional turning inwards, in my resolution to prioritize myself and my values. By doing so, I have opened up, and I can see and feel that I am flourishing.

What a great word. Flourishing.

What better word to describe exactly what I am feeling and how I am doing.

Don't get me wrong. It isn't a passive act. It is an ongoing intentional choice that requires dedication and resolve. I am prioritizing myself. I am examining my life, actions, behaviors, and words, determining if they are yielding the life that I want to live. It's hard work every day. Sometimes it's exhausting, but by doing so, I'm shedding some long-held seeds of self-doubt and finding that I am indeed flourishing!

I owe so much of this to some simple changes that I have made, to changing my perspective, to switching up how I spend my time, to prioritizing my health, to paying attention to what I put in my body, to curating with whom I spend my time, and to setting time for me to be in my own company.

If you're looking to do this too, be warned that it is hard work. You must be ready for it and willing to show up every day. There is no room for half-hearted attempts here, my friend.

You must carefully craft each aspect of your life so that it reflects who you truly are. If you find a problem, a void, or a contradiction, no one is going to change it for you. YOU are your best agent for change. YOU are capable of anything to make your life one that you feel fulfilled by and proud of. YOU have all the strength and ability to create whatever it is you desire. YOU just have to start doing whatever needs to be done by starting with one small step at a time.

Make that phone call.

Send that text.

Take that course.

Throw away that thing which no longer serves you.

Set aside time to do that right now.

Don't wait one more minute.

Don't wait for that fateful "one day" that will never come. Stop doubting yourself. Turn inwards to find who you truly are, what you truly love and value, and make your days reflect those many wonderful things that make you exactly who you were meant to be. Make this your resolution. Resolve to be steadfast to yourself, and undoubtedly you too will flourish.

When Life Gives You Lemons Make Lemonade

I got thinking about the old adage "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade" while reading an odd little book that reminded me of the Lemony Snickets series.  Lois Lowry's The Willoughbys is quirky, satirical and ends hilariously.   

Basically, the story goes a little something like this: the parents of the 4 Willoughby children are horrible, the family in general is miserable, and everyone is longing for something that they're missing.  BUT, in the end (spoiler alert) they all end up happy (although not all necessarily alive) because they make the most of things going terribly wrong and take advantage of their misfortunes.

I can't say that it's always easy to see the good in horrible things.  But sometimes, even when times are the worst, you get little glimpses of the good here and there.  Even now, as we continue on with social distancing and home isolation there is a silver lining.  

There are many silver linings to the mess that Covid-19 has created:

1.  I have a renewed perspective on what's important to me; on what I can live with and without while still maintaining my happiness.  

2.  Being home all the time has given me the opportunity to spend more time with my children.  Instead of desperately trying to reconnect with them in the precious few hours we would typically have after a full day of being apart, I am a part of their daily life.  I don't have to catch up and question them to know  what they've been up to and how they are doing.

3.  I've seen my kids grow and develop in ways that I didn't expect.  They have developed so many life skills in caring for the home and contributing to the family.  Social distancing has given my children the opportunity to build their life skills in ways that were otherwise not possible.

4.  I've rediscovered the joy of comfy clothes all day.  I now realize that it's a throwback to my university days of attending tutorial in my PJ's and I'm not sure how I'm ever going to go back to regular clothing!  Is there such as thing as professional stretchy pants?!

5.  Slowing down and getting to those tasks that I otherwise find hard to get to.  These things are on my "one day" list and I'm slowing but surely crossing them off and boy does that ever feel good!

6. Approaching life in the slow lane has its perks; what's wrong with sleeping in, managing my time more freely, relaxing at the end of the day and just settling down with a hot tea and a good old novel?  This is a welcome change to the good old "go, go, go!" of everyday life.



What silver linings have you found recently?  What transformations are you experiencing?  In what ways are you turning these difficult times it into a opportunity for success?

We all have the chance to make a little Covid-19 lemonade if only we take the time to.  And if you do, it sure does make this sour situation a little sweeter.

If You Feed It, It Will Grow

Can you name the movie with that famous line, "If you build it, they will come"?  I can tell you that I have jokingly used that line many times not really thinking about what it actually means.  In fact, I can still see the image of the baseball field and the ghost players coming out from among the corn stalks towards the diamond.

If you know what I'm talking about then you'd know that I'm talking about Field of Dreams starring Kevin Costner.

Gratitude Turns What We Have Into Enough

Last night I had a moment of feeling completely overwhelmed with gratitude.  I was sitting at the dinner table, eating a delicious bowl of warm, home made minestrone soup (so good - thank you Williams and Sonoma for the recipe), surrounded by 3 of my favorite people on this earth, as we lingered in the final moments of the setting sun streaming through the windows.  I had a moment of realization right then and there that in spite of everything we are going through right now, we are truly lucky.

All you need to do is take a look at the news to see that there are a lot of people who have got it much worse.   There are people who have lost their jobs, people who cannot pay the bills, people without enough to eat, people who have lost their loved ones, people who are seriously ill, and people who are very much alone every single day.

And there I was sitting in the safety and warmth of my home surrounded by love and eating a nutritious and delicious meal.  I spent the day working online as best I could during these working from home times and spending time taking care of my children and home in the spare moments in between.

I'm tired, but I know that I am lucky, I thought.

There are so many people suffering out there in the world today.  I know my life is not perfect but my goodness, I can see that I've got it good.

It's focusing on gratitude that will get me through the stress of this pandemic.

So this post in not about a book that I read but about a Ted Talk that was shared with me.  I have to thank my dear sister for sending it my way.  I have already shared it with many of my friends and family and now I wish to share it with you because it really made me remember what I am grateful for. 

When we turn to gratitude we find that we can turn what we have into enough. 

Watch and enjoy my dear readers...

https://www.ted.com/talks/louie_schwartzberg_nature_beauty_gratitude?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare

As We Count Down The Days, Make Today Count

There are so many things that have come to an end because of social distancing and Covid-19.  Many of us are no longer going to work, attending school, driving to practices, shopping at the mall or visiting with family and friends.  All of these things signal an end to how we were living our lives prior to the pandemic.  How long we will continue like this and what will remain fundamentally altered forever is outside of our ability to know.  So much is uncertain.

But one certainty, if I'm being totally honest here, is that much of what has come to an end has made me sad; especially spending time with my family and friends.  There is a certain longing for the way things used to be.  There is a desire to reconnect with those who I was once in constant contact with in my normal day to day life.  And yet, as these weeks at home turn into months, the strangeness of being isolated at home is starting to feel like a new normal and a strange new calm is washing over me.

At first I wasn't fully understanding what was happening to me.  Then, as I was reading Sarah Dessen's Saint Anything, I had a realization thanks to the main character Sydney.  It is when Sydney states, “For most of us, once something was busted, it was game over. I would have loved to know how it felt, just once, to have something fall apart and see options instead of endings.”

Because of Covid-19 the life we once knew has come to a swift ending.  Perhaps this end is not forever, but at least it is ended for time time being.  But, if you're like me, instead of seeing an ending as being "game over", these times of self isolation and social distancing that we are now facing are actually giving us so many options.  

- Instead of running the kids off to skating practice several times a week I'm going for regular bike rides with my children in the newly quiet street of our neighborhood.

- Instead of frantically trying to fit the laundry, cooking and cleaning into my already packed schedule, I'm washing less laundry, exploring new delicious recipes and cleaning nooks and crannies that never seem to get enough of my time.

- Instead of rushing off to work for hours on end, I'm balancing work and home life in a way I've never had the chance to experience before.

- Instead of missing out on what my kids are learning each day, I am now facilitating their learning both online and in authentic learning experiences.

- Instead of rushing through the day and barely squeezing in "me time", I bare getting through the day by focusing on "me time".

So much what has come to and end has allowed for new opportunities in my life.  

No one knows just how long things are going to be the way they are but what we can do is make the most of things by living each day to it's fullest.  Stop focusing on what you're missing out on but instead look at what this pandemic time is allowing for.  

The day I was ready to write this post I received this quote in my inbox (I've been getting Insight Of The Day quotes for years) and I couldn't help but smile thinking that there was a power out there far greater than I could ever imagine when I read it: 



No matter how long this social isolation lasts, find ways to tap into this newly found precious time.  Make each day count.  Try a new recipe.  Call up an old friend.  Spend some quality time with yourself and your loved ones. 

Make today count as we count down the days to getting back to life as we once knew it.

Oh What a Tangled Web We Weave

How many of you are feeling a little bit of cabin fever right about now?  Feeling a bit like you're trapped at home?  Or, perhaps you're relishing in the safety and solitude of home, afraid to venture into the great wide world?  Either way, we are all spending copious amounts of time at home doing things that we typically never have the time to do.

But the reality is that some of us feel comfortable at home and some of us feel trapped.

These hours on end at home are all because of the fact that we are all so deeply connected in our day to day lives.  We've had to put a full stop on our regular daily habits, social outings, and person to person interactions.  As you already know, it only takes one person infected with Covid-19 to start a chain reaction of infection in a community.  This pandemic has illuminated how interconnected we all are.  It doesn't matter what part of the city, province, country, or world we're from - we're all feeling it and we're all in it together.

As a result, we are aiming to protect ourselves using social distancing.  Not only has this been adopted by so many as a way to flatten the cure of this virus, but it has placed us all in a rather interesting position.  How many of us are spending time alone?  How about those of us who are in the company of others for more hours than we can handle?  For some of us cabin fever might have set in long ago, or perhaps one soggy day of rain is what finally set us off.

All I know is that in the quiet life of staying home everyday, all day, how I spend my time has most definitely shifted.

Many people are finally finding time to read that book that's been sitting on the back burner.  For me, as I read a great deal on a regular basis, that has not been the case.  In actuality, I've taken a bit of a breather from reading.  Part of this is because my mind has been overwhelmed with worry for my family and friends that rather than pick up a book to read, I find myself scanning the latest Covid-19 news instead.  I admit that my mind has been racing.

That being said it's not like I haven't read anything at all.  My latest novel, There There by Tommy Orange, kept me company over the last week.  It's an interconnected story of 12 characters from Native communities who are all making their way to the Big Oakland Powwow.  Truthfully, I have to admit that it was a sad story.  Like so many stories of Indigenous people around the world, the great injustices that they have endured and continue to endure, cast a great shadow in this novel.

But there was something that definitely stood out to me in this book besides how sad I am about what has happened to the Indigenous people.  It was the symbolism of the spider webs that caught my eye and the idea of interconnections.

The quote by Walter Scott, "O, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive!" couldn't be more accurate in this book.  The novel illustrates the destruction that was caused by the lies of colonizers while also reminding us of the lies we tell to comfort and distance ourselves  from the truth.

Jackie Red Feather, one of the main characters in There There, points out that "the spider's web is a home and a trap."  I couldn't agree more during this time of social distancing.  On one hand our homes are keeping us safe during a difficult time and yet, many of us are feeling the pressure of being captive.  Like we are prisoners during this pandemic.

It also got me thinking about how many of our habits become comfortable prisons that we return to time and time again.

How are you occupying yourself now that life has slowed down to a grinding halt?  Are you turning to productive activities that give back to your family, friends and your community, or are you finding ways to comfort yourself each night so that you don't have to feel the anxiety that naturally comes during a pandemic?

Surely drinking multiple shots each night just to get through this is a spider's web, is it not?

What is beckoning you during these difficult times?  Are you finding solace in things that are liberating you from boredom, or are they ensnaring you into a pattern from which you cannot escape?

I ask to you consider what type of tangled web you are weaving for yourself.

To me books are simply amazing tools.  I never would have started thinking about spiders webs if it weren't for this book.  I never would have considered how I am both at home and trapped during this pandemic.  I would have never considered the symbolism of spider webs to make meaning of what's happening right now and how I might shift my perspective as we are all at home keeping to ourselves.

I'd like to leave you with a few quotes about spider webs that you might want to use to reconsider your position in this interconnected web that we are all currently in.  I look forward to hearing your  thoughts in the comments section of this blog.

On the Outside Looking In

Have you ever felt like you’re on the outside looking in?

Alienation is something we've all had to deal with at one point or another.  We’ve all felt the sharp sting of of exclusion.  Of wanting to belong.  Of wanting to fit in.  Of wanting to be wanted.

Sometimes I feel like we’re all kind of on the outside looking in.  Kind of like we’re all just a big bunch of cool kids standing around in a circle facing each other; each one of us in aviator glasses.  You know, the kinds with the mirrored glass that makes it impossible to see what someone’s eyes look like?  All you get is a reflection of yourself whenever you approach someone wearing those glasses.

I literally wear aviator sunglasses quite often.  They’re my go to.  I’m super comfortable in them as my eyes are sensitive to light.  But I’m not comfortable when someone else is wearing them and I cannot look into their eyes.  I don’t like it when all I see is my own image staring back at me in the reflection.

The irony is that I love being hidden behind my glasses, but I'm not so comfortable when others are.

This image of mirrored aviator glasses is exactly what came to my mind when reading Jodi Picoult's book A Spark of Light.

As always, Jodi Picoult never fails to impress me.  I have read a number of her novels and deeply enjoy how she plays with narrative structure and A Spark of Light is no exception.  Even though the subject matter of this novel is highly contentious,  I admire how she manages to play with perspective, point of view, and chronology, gently urging the reader to come to their own conclusions about the subject matter.  What you are left with is a telling story about women, their personal histories, and their difficult choices.

In case you're curious, the contentious subject of this novel is abortion.

Brilliantly, Picoult sets up her novel so that both the characters and the reader are on the outside looking in.  Like, literally looking in.  They are looking in on an emergency situation of a gunman seeking revenge at an abortion clinic.  And as it stated multiple times in the book, the clinic literally has tinted glass that allows them to look out the windows but doesn't allow anyone to look in.

This is where the image of the aviator glasses comes into play.  Like with the tinted lenses of the glasses, the characters can see out to the world, but others cannot to look into what's going on inside the clinic.

Isn't life so often like that?

Is it true that we are always looking out into the world but we can't always see?  We often will simply see a reflection of ourselves, our filters, and our bias instead.

In this novel it's as if Picoult is not only showing you a reflection of yourself and your values, but she also challenges you to see the characters, their histories and their values even if it makes you uncomfortable.  The discomfort can stem from the aspects of yourself that you can identify with as you are given insight into each character.

If we were to allow ourselves to truly and deeply see and understand others, wouldn't it always be like that? Isn’t it always the case that if we allow ourselves to truly and deeply take the time to get to know one another that we would get the chance to see ourselves reflection in them?   To see the humanity in them?

Perhaps we're not always on the outside looking in.  If we are willing to see and be seen by others, if we remove the mirrored glasses, how much more kind and caring could we be to one another?  How much more impact would we have on others in this world?

Let's move from staying on the outside looking in, to looking in and looking out for each other instead.

If Music Be The Words Of Love, Play On

This was shared with me earlier today.  I found it spoke to my heart and soul.  It's a little light for all of us who have felt a little bit too much darkness in the face of the current pandemic.  Enjoy and please feel free to share and comment.

LOCKDOWN 

By: Richard Hendrick

Yes, there is fear.
Yes, there is isolation.
Yes, there is panic buying.
Yes, there is sickness.
Yes, there is even death.

But,

They say that in Wuhan, after so many years of noise
You can hear the birds again.
They say that after just a few weeks of quiet the sky is no longer thick with fumes.
But blue and gray and clear.
They say that in the streets of Assisi people are singing to each other across the empty squares, keeping their windows open so that those who are alone may hear the sounds of family around them.
They say that a hotel in the West of Ireland is offering free meals and delivery to the housebound.
Today a young woman I know is busy spreading fliers with her number throughout the neighborhood so that the elders may haves someone to call on.
Today people are preparing to welcome and shelter the homeless, the sick, the weary.

All over the world, people are slowing down and reflecting.
All over the world people are looking at their neighbors in a new way.
All over the world, people are waking up to a new reality to how big we really are.
To how little control we really have.
To what really matters.
To Love.

So, we remember that yes, there is fear. But there does not have to be hate.
Yes, there is isolation. But there does not have to be loneliness.
Yes, there is panic buying. But there dos not have to be meanness.
Yes, there is sickness. But there does not have to be disease of the soul.
Yes, there is even death. But there can always be a rebirth of love.

Wake to the choices you make as to how to live now.

Today, breathe. 

Listen behind the factory noises of your panic.

The birds are singing again.
The sky is clearing.
Spring is coming.
And we are always encompassed by Love.

Open the windows of your soul and though you may not be able to touch across the empty square, Sing.

The Rest is all Bullshit

I thank my eldest daughter for recommending Jason Reynolds' Long Way Down.  This story, expertly written in prose was an eye opener for me.  Just one look at the back and you know what it's about.

It's about beef.

No, not a cow.

Beef — as in having a problem with someone or something.

Yup, you've been there.  You've had your fair share of beef.  Some of you live life at the beef buffet filling your plates and feeling miserable every step of the way.

You know who you are.  You feel that life is not fair.  That you've been mistreated.  That you cannot trust.  That you've been wronged.

So then you look to what Reynolds calls "the rules".  These are the spoken or unspoken rules of how to live through the bullshit you've experienced so that you can get over it.  Primarily, it has to do with ignoring how you are really feeling and finding a way to get vengeance.

But let me tell you something; at at end of the day all of "the rules" we abide by are bullshit.

At the end of the day when you lay down your head it does not matter if you've had a hard go or if you've gotten ripped off or if you got back at someone.  What really matters is if you can lay down your head with a clear conscience knowing that you did the right thing (not the "rule" thing).

Did you treat the people in your life right?  Did you practice self love? Did you see the humanity in the person in front of you? Did you make the people in your life glad, smile, comfortable, or feel loved even if those moments were merely fleeting?

That's doing the right thing.   That's something you can feel proud of.

You will come across many “rules” in life.  Expectations and demands that may get the better of you. Feeling defeated, exhausted and overworked we can often feel angry and cheated and the "rules" are tempting.  We can feel like pushing our true feelings aside in search of vengeance.

But you are the person that you have to face in the mirror when you wake up the next day.

At the end of the day can you stand looking at yourself in the mirror?  Are you proud of who you are and the choices you've made?  You cannot control other people but you sure as hell can control yourself.

Be the person you wish to see staring back at you.  Even at your worst moments choose love above all else.  Choose that which makes you and others feel good.  Because the bullshit of life will come calling and you need to know when to call it bullshit so that you don’t end up some place you’d rather not be.

This is hard to do because we often get stuck.  We get stuck so we get angry.  We get stuck so we get back at that someone or something.  We get stuck and there you are...still stuck.  Nothing changes.

You need to end the cycle.

End the cycle of anger, jealousy, guilt, aggression, ignorance, and self hate. End the sexism, racism, class-ism, able-ism or whatever isms that have you trapped and seeking vengeance.

Instead of passing on the beef from one generation to the next, just "pass" on the beef entirely.

Fill your plate with what feeds your soul and gives your life real meaning.

Because the rest is all bullshit.

The Power of Perspective

What if I told you that the life you are living today is a construction of your imagination?

Now, don't get me wrong.  I'm not saying that your life is imaginary and that no one else can see it.  What I'm saying is that everything that you think to be true is only true because you think it to be.  That the reality of your life's events are entirely based on how you decided to see things.

It's your version — your perception.

Does this freak you?  Do you think I'm nuts?

Or, does this make you feel incredibly powerful?

Gustav Flaubert said, "There is no truth.  There is only perception".  When I first heard this quoted by a dear colleague of mine I remember blowing her off thinking, what the hell is she talking about?  There are certain things in this world that we know to be right or wrong, true or false.  To be honest I thought she was a bit nuts at the time.

But then I got to thinking...

Maybe there's some truth to the idea that there is no reality, only perception.

The truth of this saying was never more clear to me than when I finished reading The Girls by Lori Lansens.  This book fascinated me because the main characters Ruby and Rose Darlen are craniopagus twins.  That means that they are conjoined at the head.

What I found most striking about this novel is how Lansens cleverly writes Ruby and Rose's story from each of their perspectives.  The novel takes the form of an autobiography that oscillates between the two sisters.  As you read, you put together the bits and pieces of the lives that these two girls lived.  Clues that are dropped by one sister are explained by the other.  Stories that are half told from one sister are clarified or sometimes made more complex by the other.

Although Rose and Ruby were often lumped together as one single person and nicknamed "the girls", they led two distinct lives side by side.  Even though they shared the same DNA and exact life experiences, they ended up having two very different experiences.

For me, this blew my mind. 

Even though the two girls share the exact same genetic makeup and have the exact same life experiences, which means that they have the same genetic predispositions and environmental influences, as they told their story they saw events in two entirely different ways.  Their perspectives were most certainly not the same.

In some cases, their perspectives were radically different.

But why?

Enter in, the power of perspective.

I've heard so many people complain about their life.  I helpfully respond by suggesting a different point of view or an alternative way to perceive the situation only to have them retort with an "easy for you to say" response.

To me that's a cop out.

Only you have control on how you see your life and look at the world.  And only you have the power to make the shift from victim to victor.

Imagine the power of a second chance at living your life?  No, not re-incarnation, but the same body and existence with the ability to experience it all differently.  The chance to step out of your reality and place yourself a new position.  Kind of like shifting from being Rose to being Ruby.

Your life would then be simultaneously the same and completely different all at once.

That my friends, is the power of perspective.

Walk Together In Love

As those of you who have been following my posts since the beginning know, I have been on a mission to read a crazy amount of books as a personal challenge to myself.  I'm now in year three of reading at least 50 books a year.  At this point you might be wondering, what have you gotten out of this situation other than bragging rights?

Well, what have I gotten out of reading so much for the last couple of years?

That is an excellent question.

I believe this journey has taught me something that I think we all know already.  Or at least, should know already.  It's a lesson that is so elementary in nature that you're likely going to laugh or roll your eyes at me when I tell you about it.

Well, insert eye roll here, 'cause I'm about to lay it out for you.

What I have learned more than anything else, regardless of what book I have read, is that above all else, all you need is love.

Yes, you read me correctly.

And no, this is not a Beatles song.

It is actually a legitimate observation that I have made.  It honestly doesn't matter what I read, the underlying message of all the books, whether it is explicitly stated or if it is hidden in the subtext, is to make all decisions in your life with love and to act towards one another with love as your primary response.

Sound ridiculous?

Maybe.

But, just imagine - sorry Beatles, I'm not trying to rip off all of your songs here! - Imagine a world based on loving actions and thoughts.

Can you even imagine a world like this?

I can.

Just think about it with me for a moment or two...

Can you imagine coming face to face with the woman who murdered your brother and then respond to her with love rather than hate?

If not, just read The Huntress by Kate Quinn.

Can you see yourself loosing the love of your life to another man and then sealing your fate to never have a chance to get her back by anonymously paying for life saving medical treatment that will save her husband's life and ensure she gets her "happily ever after"?

If not, just read Dear John by Nicholas Sparks.

Can you picture turning your life's work into something that promotes love, kindness and understanding because you survived the Holocaust?

If not, just read Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl.

Can you imagine living in a neat and tidy home that brings you joy because it only contains items that you love?

If not, just read The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Condo.

Do you need more examples?  Then just start reading because love is exactly what I have discovered in the many books I have read during my personal reading challenge.

Maybe some of you are thinking, to hell with love - money is all you need and then you can afford to buy a life that you love and get whatever you want!  Well, considering the many pro-social experiments that have been done out there it is clear that money may make you feel more comfortable and ensure a certain standard of living, but only to a certain degree.  What money cannot do is make you happy.

Let go of money as the answer to your many woes, and imagine instead wealth measured by the love you have to give to others and to yourself.  Imagine how life changing that could be!

As we approach Valentines Day I'd like to challenge you to make love an every day thing, not a one day thing.

Can you try one of these things out?

- respond in a loving way to someone who has hurt you
- offer care and guidance to someone who has been disrespectful to you
- choose to forgive instead of laying blame
- look in the mirror and thank you body for the many things it accomplishes everyday regardless of how it looks

Don't just buy chocolates and flowers this Friday because real love is so much more than that.

Consider this:  if you paid others in love and kindness, rather than feed your own ego or spend only one day a year thinking about love and what it means, how quickly could you transform your world?

Even in one of my most recent reads, Nicholas Spark's A Walk to Remember we are reminded of what it means to respond in love when it could be so easy to react with fear, hatred, blame or sorrow.

I don't want to ruin A Walk to Remember for you in case you want to read it yourself, but when Landon grants Jamie her greatest wish we might ask ourselves, given the age of the characters, how realistic is this book anyways?  That being said, Landon's ability to help Jamie achieve her dream during the darkest time of her life was the most loving thing he could have done for her.  It gave her the opportunity to have "a walk to remember".

If there is anything I can get out of what I have read over the last few years it is most definitely that love trumps all else.  We walk through life too often harboring jealousy, regret, fear or even hate.

What a heavy load to carry for our many days on this earth.  Imagine instead we choose to shed these burdens of negativity. What a walk it would be if we all walked together in love.

It would indeed be a walk to remember.

Get the Best Seat in the House

Ok, I just had the opportunity to listen to a long diatribe performed by someone I know and love very much about how much their life sucks.  Honestly, I hear people do this too often it seems that some people do it for a living and if I have to hear one more person say, "There's nothing I can do! I'm such a looser!  My life sucks!" I think I'm going to have to slap someone!

Or, maybe I'll just slap a copy of Rachel Hollis' Girl, Stop Apologizing in their hand instead.

The crazy thing is that up until last year, I had NO IDEA who Rachel Hollis was.  But, I happened to hear her speak at an event and after listening to her live, I wanted to know more about her and her message.

How can I sum her up?  Hollis is a petite blonde bomb of positive energy and a fire cracker of support and encouragement for anyone who is looking to live life like "one day" is today.

To me, Hollis is the female version of Tony Robbins (sans the "Say I" call outs and all the jumping of course).  She will inspire you with her intense desire to build a world where people needn't feel badly for wanting something more for themselves and for others.  She's a feminist on a mission to end shame and empower women across the continent.

If she were with me that day when I had to endure the "my life sucks and there's nothing I can do about it" private performance, she would have have had a few things to say.

Now don't start to cringe at the fact that I used the "F-word" earlier (kudos to those of you who automatically scanned the previous paragraphs to find it - did you find it?).  The fact of her being a capital "F" feminist makes some people start to get a bit squirmy, I know.

But with Hollis there is no male bashing.  There is no "Down with the man!" chanting or burning of the bra.  The only bashing she really relies on is one that attacks of our tendency to bash ourselves by falling into old habits of self deprecating language, bad relationships, personal hang ups and straight up lies about who we are, what we are capable of, and what we deserve.

Admittedly,  Girl, Stop Apologizing had some similarities to her 2018 Girl, Wash your Face but even though there were parts of the two books that felt a bit repetitive, I'll be the first to admit that I didn't care.  If she writes another book like either of these, repetitive or not,  I'll be sure to read it too.  I will read as many as I can get my hands on.

Here's why: I know that the only way one can stop looking at life as one sucky moment after another is to start looking at it as NOT one sucky moment after another.  And if you can't do this yet, Hollis can get you started and keep you going.

What this book does is to show you how to see you and your goals differently.  In her approach there is no better way change your perspective than to let go of the excuses you're hanging onto, adopt behaviors that lead you towards personal success and acquire the skills necessary to achieve your goals.

Ain't none of that gonna happen if all you do is repeat the "there' s nothing I can do" mantra.

I'm sorry (not sorry) I'm calling it - complaining for a living is BS.

Check yourself and check your point of view.

Can't change your perspective on your own?  Then surround yourself with people who see things differently.  Read as many books like Hollis' as possible that help you find out how you can change the things that you believe are completely out of your control.

Put it this way, if you were at the Oscars and wanted to get a clear view of your favorite celebrity on the red carpet you wouldn't say, "Oh well! I'll never get a good look at good old blue eyes cause I'm not tall enough".  No!  You'd move around the crowd.  You'd keep poking and peeking over the heads of the people in front of you.  You'd find a spot where you could see your dream boat.  In fact, you'd get the best seat in the house!  You wouldn't wait for another day.  You wouldn't make a lame excuse and say, "Sorry, I failed."

Get out there and expose yourself to anything and everything positive.  Read as many books, blogs and posts as you need to until your attitude starts to change.  Listen to podcasts.  Surround yourself with positive messaging.  As you absorb it your attitudes will begin to shift.  As your attitudes shift so will your actions.  As actions shift so will your attitudes.  It becomes a positive feedback loop.

I'm sorry, but I cannot tolerate the negativity.  Go find a better view.  Upgrade your seating today.  Change your life and seek out your dreams without apology or excuse.