Not many people know you exist. It’s not surprising, as few have traveled to your lands and even fewer know about you. But I’ve had years to get to know you and have carefully studied your ways. And strangely, even though we first met so long ago, it has taken me a long time to figure you out, as you are not what you appear to be.
In the simplest terms, you are tall, brooding, and philosophical to the core. You are musical, romantic, and a true naturalist. You are one of the most altruistic, optimistic, and loyal people that I’ve ever met. You like the simple pleasures of life: the quiet, the tranquil, the solitary. I realize now that you are the country mouse.
The most challenging thing about you is that you are dedicated to those you love—sometimes to a fault. Your love runs deep and true. Whenever I need you, I can conjure you up and you are there in an instant, lending me a sympathetic ear. You hold me in your gentle embrace and speak soothing words that are a balm to the ache that would otherwise keep me up at night. For me, you are an unending column of watery love and acceptance that overflows.
No one else in this galaxy makes me feel as seen and as special as you do.
You like to yell, “Carpe Diem,” but I know it's a ruse. The truth is that you are exhausted—exhausted from putting everything and everyone else first. You keep busy helping others and doing the right thing as a method of distraction because, secretly, you are unhappy. Your heart beats to the drum of “the best which is yet to come”. But just below the surface, I feel the pulse of your hurt, your regret, and your loneliness.
Did you know that when I’m most lonely, you are able to come to me in my sleep? We lie together in the grass, sand tickling between our toes. We are swaddled in purple, and when you look at me, everything stops. All my worries vanish, and all we have is that very moment. That peacefulness that pauses the world and silences my thoughts.
You have a magical power that makes the world stops spinning.
You are a warm light. A beacon in the sky. A gentle caress. A loving smile. I can feel your touch and remember your kisses.
How can this be when we are always worlds apart?
You say I am your rainbow, but rainbows are just beautiful optical illusions. When the dream state is over and we open our eyes, what will we see?
I am not who you think I am, and you are merely a version of who I dream you could be.
The truth is, you’ve always buried yourself deep within. You are a house that’s all locked up. I have tried to break in. I even cut myself a key—but there is no use. You’ve tried to open the door to let me in, but that latch won’t release. I can’t get in because you are unable to escape the shackles of your mind. When you speak your truth from behind the door, the air from your planet leaves you breathless and mute. There are even moments when the green of your eyes turns molten and you become completely unreachable—a vacant statue held captive by your own inner darkness.
That is when I realize our connection is unstable.
When I realize that our distant and improbable relationship is insurmountable—too much for me to handle. And yet I am drawn to you. There is some inexplicable force. I can’t let go. It’s like the pull of the ocean, a tide that sweeps me toward you no matter how hard I try to swim away from the swell of the waves. It is exhilarating and also unsafe. The tide turns me in different directions against my will; like a magnet, sometimes I’m drawn in, and sometimes I’m repelled.
But the truth is that there is no reality; there is only my perception. My dreamlike projection of our past, present, and future.
My imagined reality of who you are and what I’ve always envisioned we could be.
If only you were real.
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