My Resolution to Flourish

I begin 2024 with a deep sense of pride. I am proud of what I have accomplished in the past year and how far I've come since I began making myself a priority. Too often, we start a new year with a resolution (a tradition that I loathe). What are New Year's Resolutions anyway? Just a collective self-deception that things will change just by wishing it to be so.

As I look back on some of the posts in this blog, I realize that, while they are not perfect, I see myself reflected in each one. I see my mindset, the deep changes I've undergone, some intense and sincere thoughts, emotions, and reflections. But most of all, I see my resolution to live life fully every day and to create for myself a life full of musings that inspire me to share with you (my dearest reader).

I don't feel awkward or ashamed to say I'm proud. And if I'm being 100% honest, I see my value for what feels like the first time ever. Mind you, I don't see it in every single aspect of my life, but I do see it in my intentional turning inwards, in my resolution to prioritize myself and my values. By doing so, I have opened up, and I can see and feel that I am flourishing.

What a great word. Flourishing.

What better word to describe exactly what I am feeling and how I am doing.

Don't get me wrong. It isn't a passive act. It is an ongoing intentional choice that requires dedication and resolve. I am prioritizing myself. I am examining my life, actions, behaviors, and words, determining if they are yielding the life that I want to live. It's hard work every day. Sometimes it's exhausting, but by doing so, I'm shedding some long-held seeds of self-doubt and finding that I am indeed flourishing!

I owe so much of this to some simple changes that I have made, to changing my perspective, to switching up how I spend my time, to prioritizing my health, to paying attention to what I put in my body, to curating with whom I spend my time, and to setting time for me to be in my own company.

If you're looking to do this too, be warned that it is hard work. You must be ready for it and willing to show up every day. There is no room for half-hearted attempts here, my friend.

You must carefully craft each aspect of your life so that it reflects who you truly are. If you find a problem, a void, or a contradiction, no one is going to change it for you. YOU are your best agent for change. YOU are capable of anything to make your life one that you feel fulfilled by and proud of. YOU have all the strength and ability to create whatever it is you desire. YOU just have to start doing whatever needs to be done by starting with one small step at a time.

Make that phone call.

Send that text.

Take that course.

Throw away that thing which no longer serves you.

Set aside time to do that right now.

Don't wait one more minute.

Don't wait for that fateful "one day" that will never come. Stop doubting yourself. Turn inwards to find who you truly are, what you truly love and value, and make your days reflect those many wonderful things that make you exactly who you were meant to be. Make this your resolution. Resolve to be steadfast to yourself, and undoubtedly you too will flourish.

Think Like the Dying for a Life That's Worth Living

I'm in the process of growing some ideas about my career and where I see my future headed.  The crazy thing is that the more I open my heart, mind and soul to the possibility of doing something that really and truly makes me happy the more I've finding possibilities opening up before me.  

Although I'm not really ready to leave my career, I know that I can't do this forever; one, because I'm due to retire at some point and am simply looking foward to a change, and two, because this field has changed so fundamentally that I don't know if I want to be part of what it's becomming.

That being said, even though change in inevitable and I'm sure to enter a different chapter in my life at some point, I'm seeking ways to start laying the foundation for that future and redirecting my time towards the things that bring me great joy and will nourish my soul.  I don't want to find myself retiring with no idea of what I want to do with myself.

I know teaching has been a calling for me and that ultimately it is the life that I wanted; but if I'm being honest it's also the life that was expected of me based on society and based on my parents' expectations.  They are great parents and wanted me to have a secure job with great benefits and a pension.  That makes sense.  And I really and truly appreciate this part of my reality.  But did it lead me to the job that I really and truly in my heart of hearts wanted?

I dunno.

In Bronnie Ware's The Top Five Regrets of The Dying she shares inspirational life lessons that most people only come to learn on their death beds.  Here they all are in a nutshell:

Live the life YOU want.

Don't work so hard.

Allow yourself to have fun.

Stay in touch with friends.

Do not be afraid to express your true emotions.

So here I am thinking about what my future may hold and how I might be able to build more joy into an education system that has made me deeply, deeply unhappy since the start of the pandemic.  Don't get me wrong, I know that change can be good but the changes that were made were forced upon us and the end result left the classroom a dead husk of what it once was.  We need time to rebuild and reconsider what we're doing and to turn our faces away from screens and back towards one antoher's beautiful faces.

Becuase of where I am in my life and the state of education I'm asking myself if I'm living the life that I want?  Why am I working so hard 18 years into being a teacher (yes I know it's because I care but it's also becuase the system was turned into a shit show).  I'm asking myself, what do I do to really have fun, both in my personal life and while I'm at work.  What do I really and truly emjoy and how can I include that regularly in my life?

With the exception of my first year of teaching, the year the entire curriculum changed (and I changed schools at the same time), the pandemic was, by far one of the most challenging times in my career.  I worked so damn hard and the worst part is that I ended each day having felt like a failure.  This is because we aren't meat to grow up behind a screen.  We don't always learn best from a video or a document or a website.  The pervasive feeling of failure was hard to swallow and lead me to a very dark point in my life.

But since then, I've focused on enjoying life and having fun.  I've focused on reconnecting with old friends (whom, by the way were all so glad to hear from me and to this day contine to chat or meet regularly).  That has been a balm to my soul.  I've always known the importance of friends but I wasn't until I had lost touch with many of them that I realized what I was truly missing.

All of this I was doing without having read Ware's book.  Pretty incredible that I was led down this path through self reflection, meditation, and therapy in my 40s!

My last effort is in regards to beign brave enough to express how I truly feel.  I'm getting better and better at this.  Specifically when it comes to discussing mental health and what I've learned through therapy.  Funny enough I've noticed that my openness to my feelings and experiences can sometimes make peopel quite uncomfortable.  But I've come to learn that this discomfort is short lived and often helps others open up.  By being brave enough to show up emotionally, you'd be surprized how it makes space and inspires other to do the same.

What can you do to live your life to the fullest?  Are you living the life you truly want for yourself?  Do you have enough fun or are you working too much?  Are you connected with your friends?  Are you expressing your emotions and sharing how you truly feel?

Please!  Don't want until it's too late!  Don't end your life looking in the rearview mirror wishing you had done things differently.  Start rethinking your life now and build it so that you can live a joyful, peaceful, and enlightened life NOW! 

Tell Me What You Read and I'll Tell you Who You Want To Be

There have been countless times in my life when I have curled up into a cozy corner of my house, cuddled up with a comfy blanket, a warm tea by my side with my toes tucked up under me to get lost in a book.  It wasn't until I read Leah Price's What We Talk About When We Talk About Books that I realized that I wasn't getting lost, in fact I was being found.

If you're thinking of reading this book what you need to know is that it is a book about the history of books and the future of reading.  Price is a professor and the book has some very mixed reviews.  Did I love it in its entirety?  No.  But am I glad I read it?  Yes.  There were so many aspects of it that I loved about this book as a bonafide book lover.  So if you're like me, you might want to give it a spin.

To read this book is to discover the history of reading and the history of the book itself (not literature).  Price explains how reading is not a dying art but rather an everlasting and ever changing enterprise.  Although the book is a bit academic it is at the same time accessible.  It is a bit long winded and sometime vague.  But if you're looking to gain a better understanding of the history (and future) of books then this is the book for you.

One of my biggest takeaways from reading this book was regarding my relationship with books. 

I always saw books as special and sacred things that I enjoyed privately but this book taught me that books were one of the first mass-produced and mass-marketed objects in history; if that doesn't take away from the specialness of books, then I don't know what would.  That being said, even though books are mass produced and mass-marketed, each one is totally different because as people read, books change.  No two readings are ever the same.

But one of the most moving realizations from this book is how books have historically been linked to illness and disease.

Price taught me that whether books are considered the cause or the cure for illness depends on what era you're in.  As a literature lover, I never overtly thought about books from a medical perspective however I've always known that for me, books are my great healers; they are my therapy.  As Price points out, reading can be be described as bibliotherapy. 

Just as one can diagnose someone based on what medications they take, you can look at what one reads and know a thing or two about who they are and who they want to be.

I've always know that I turn to books as a form of self-help and healing.  But I never considered that my personality and values could be diagnosed by what I read. 

Now I'm wondering about who I am. 

If I look back at what I've read over the years, what does that say about me?  What am I searching for?  Who do I want to become?

When I look back on my reading lists from the past few years of my personal reading challenge here's a run down about what I discovered:


- I want to be at peace with every aspect of my life
- I want to be able to accept myself and forgive myself for my imperfections
- I want to practice more creativity in my life
- I want to find the light in the darkness
- I want to be a better person for the people around me
- I want to better understand what happened during the Holocaust
- I want to help others become their best selves by bringing out the best in me

I wonder, if you were to go back over the books you've read recently, what they would say about you?  Are you becoming the person you want to be or are you just drowning in a sea of books?

The Cream Always Rises (But Turds Also Float)

How many of you have found yourself in an unlikely shape because of the pressures from work, home, family, friends, or society?  How many of you feel unrecognizable as you struggle to make it through the day?

I know I have.

One very distinct memory comes to mind when I think about pressure and how it changed me.

It was in 2013 when I changed work locations (not entirely because I wanted to) and I found myself in a new building, with new colleagues, new courses to teach, new curriculum to figure out and no department members that knew the school, students or staff.  Both the department and the curriculum had been wiped clean like a blank slate and I found myself utterly alone and drowning the the amount of work that it takes to run a department pretty much alone and from scratch.

Looking back now, I realize that it was the most stressful work year of my life.

And the day I realized that the stress had changed me was when I was sitting in our basement office frantically working through yet another entire weekend just to complete lesson planning for the following week.   I remember it was a cloudy November afternoon and when my youngest daughter walked into the room (again) and tried to get my attention (again) I turned to her then tiny 3 year old body and barked "WHAT?!" after she tried to gain my attention.

Her response to me made me freeze in my tracks.

When she dropped her head, eyes downcast to the floor, shoulders slouch moving slowly away from me she whispered apologetically, "Sorry mommy..." in response.  That's when I knew something was deeply wrong.

Something had changed me.

In Allison Dickson's book The Other Mrs. Miller I was reminded of this moment when Wyatt said, "Pressure forces people into a lot of unlikely shapes."  It rang true to me and not only did I recognize this in myself but also in what's happening in the world right now.

We typically live a life so full of appointments, responsibilities, events, meetings and get togethers that it's all too easy for us to loose sight of ourselves and become misshapen.  Sometimes the pressures are situational and temporary - like my story of starting a new position at a new location.  As stressful as that year was, it eventually came to and end.

But often it's simply how we go on living our lives day to day that wreaks havoc on us.  We go about doting all the I's and crossing all the T's just so that we can say we're doing our part - but it ultimately makes us unrecognizable in the end.  It causes us to change shape and lose sight of who we are.

Even in terms of the characters in this book we see how quickly they become twisted and misshapen doing things that (at least to me) are absolutely inconceivable.  Even though this book made me question the goodness in people and the lengths people will go to get what they want in life, it was also interesting as I wanted to figure out how twisted and sick people can get.  It's far from any experience I've ever had but it spoke to the human experience of pressure wreaking havoc on one's life.

You'd think that as things get ugly one would stop and say, "NO.  This is not what I want in life."  But this book showed me that under pressure we change shape and don't necessarily do anything about it likely because we can get away with it.  As Phoebe's best friend Vicki points out, "The cream always rises.  But turds also float."

Why make a change if what you're doing is working for you in some way?

Let me ask you this my dear readers, when the pressure is on are you the cream or are you the turd?

Because now that some of the pressure is off and we're spending our time going to much fewer places, generally doing less things, and seeing less people, we have the capacity to make some change.

Many people are feeling the pressure of home-bound living, social distancing and self-isolation citing boredom and anxiety as their primary ailments but some are not.

Some, like me, are taking a careful look at who they are and how they live their lives.  Some people are taking this time to get back "in shape" now that the pressure is off.  Even though we've given up so much and lost so many of our freedoms, we have a chance to find ourselves again. 

Most notably I feel like now that the pressure is off I feel like I have the time to tune into what really matters to me the most.  To take care of those things that I truly care about and that are within my control.  It's given me this rare opportunity to live my life in a different shape.

What about you?  What shape do you find yourself in?

Find Your Purpose and Reset Your Life

There's been a lot of news out there recently.  I admit that I scour the headlines everyday (sometimes twice a day) to keep up with what's going on in the world and especially because I want to stay abreast of what's happening the the global fight against Covid-19.  Too often the news I read is merely informative, scary or frustrating.  That being said, every now and again I come across something that is worth my while.

The following article has to be one of the best things I've come across recently and thought it would a good idea to share it with you my dear readers as it is very much in line with this blog.  

Please take a moment to read and let me know what you think:

Finding Purpose In This Pandemic: Use This Crisis To Reset Your Life

At the end of the article are some very poignant questions.  If you feel so inclined I'd love to hear your response to any of these questions:

What values do I want my life to stand for?

What mark do I wish to make?

What kind of person do I want to be others?

At life’s end, how do I want to measure success?

As We Count Down The Days, Make Today Count

There are so many things that have come to an end because of social distancing and Covid-19.  Many of us are no longer going to work, attending school, driving to practices, shopping at the mall or visiting with family and friends.  All of these things signal an end to how we were living our lives prior to the pandemic.  How long we will continue like this and what will remain fundamentally altered forever is outside of our ability to know.  So much is uncertain.

But one certainty, if I'm being totally honest here, is that much of what has come to an end has made me sad; especially spending time with my family and friends.  There is a certain longing for the way things used to be.  There is a desire to reconnect with those who I was once in constant contact with in my normal day to day life.  And yet, as these weeks at home turn into months, the strangeness of being isolated at home is starting to feel like a new normal and a strange new calm is washing over me.

At first I wasn't fully understanding what was happening to me.  Then, as I was reading Sarah Dessen's Saint Anything, I had a realization thanks to the main character Sydney.  It is when Sydney states, “For most of us, once something was busted, it was game over. I would have loved to know how it felt, just once, to have something fall apart and see options instead of endings.”

Because of Covid-19 the life we once knew has come to a swift ending.  Perhaps this end is not forever, but at least it is ended for time time being.  But, if you're like me, instead of seeing an ending as being "game over", these times of self isolation and social distancing that we are now facing are actually giving us so many options.  

- Instead of running the kids off to skating practice several times a week I'm going for regular bike rides with my children in the newly quiet street of our neighborhood.

- Instead of frantically trying to fit the laundry, cooking and cleaning into my already packed schedule, I'm washing less laundry, exploring new delicious recipes and cleaning nooks and crannies that never seem to get enough of my time.

- Instead of rushing off to work for hours on end, I'm balancing work and home life in a way I've never had the chance to experience before.

- Instead of missing out on what my kids are learning each day, I am now facilitating their learning both online and in authentic learning experiences.

- Instead of rushing through the day and barely squeezing in "me time", I bare getting through the day by focusing on "me time".

So much what has come to and end has allowed for new opportunities in my life.  

No one knows just how long things are going to be the way they are but what we can do is make the most of things by living each day to it's fullest.  Stop focusing on what you're missing out on but instead look at what this pandemic time is allowing for.  

The day I was ready to write this post I received this quote in my inbox (I've been getting Insight Of The Day quotes for years) and I couldn't help but smile thinking that there was a power out there far greater than I could ever imagine when I read it: 



No matter how long this social isolation lasts, find ways to tap into this newly found precious time.  Make each day count.  Try a new recipe.  Call up an old friend.  Spend some quality time with yourself and your loved ones. 

Make today count as we count down the days to getting back to life as we once knew it.

Some Literal And Figurative Spring Cleaning In The Weeks Ahead

I picked up State of the Union by Nick Hornby on the basis of a staff recommendation at my local public library.  It's a short novel that reads more like a play with its heavy use of dialogue and I plowed through it in one day (thanks to Covid-19, I had some time to kill).

From this book I'd like to share with you a short passage that I found to be insightful and thought provoking.  On page 89, as Louise and Ted meet again for a drink at a pub before going into their next marriage therapy session, they discuss the state of their marriage and what they can do about it:


""The trouble is, marriage is like a computer.  You can take it apart to see what's inside, but then you're left with a million pieces."

Louise sighs in despairing agreement, and then rallies.

"How about this?" she says.  "We shove the big bits back in, chuck the small ones away, close it up, and get on with things."

"But it won't work."

"It won't work, but it will look like a computer."

"Is that what you want?  A marriage that looks like a marriage? Even though it won't work?""


This passage really struck me.  The image of a marriage that looks like a marriage even though it doesn't work sounded all too familiar; not because my own marriage is a sham, but because I have seen how certain aspects of my life can become a hot mess if I don't care for them properly. When I think about this I think about my home, health, relationships, personal happiness, and self worth.  How much of my life has the appearance of being great to others but deep inside they are really just a mismatch of parts that don't exactly fit.

Come on guys, you know what I'm talking about, right?

Anything on your "one day I'm gonna..." list is what I'm really talking about here.  The things that are outta wack in your life and bug you but you simply haven't had the time or the energy to set them right.  The things that nag at you but you just live with because for all intents and purposes, everything looks OK from the outside, so why the hell not just continue on with the status quo?

Well now is the time to put the pieces back together (and not just shove them back in).

As we continue to face weeks of social distancing ahead of us, this is the ideal time for some tidying up.  I mean, of course clean out that closet that needs attention, but also consider the other areas of your life that have been a bit of a mess. Is this not a great opportunity to do some literal and figurative spring cleaning?

What ever your goals may be, is it not a great opportunity take your "computer" apart and figure out how to properly put it back together again (not just shove it into something that looks sort of right but in the end simply does not work)?

My dear readers, we can focus on the negativity of the pandemic or we can search for the goodness that is hiding behind it.  Can you see the silver lining behind all that we are all going through right now?

I can.

We will make it through the times ahead.  Making it through is all many of us can really do - get through and just get on with it.  But you my dear reader, can make it through and and do so much more than that.

Let's do a bit of spring cleaning.  Let's not just focus on literal cleaning up.  Let's look at it on a more figurative level.

Let's reexamine our values and goals and compare that to how we spend our time.  Let's try to re-connect to what really makes our hearts glad.  Let's focus our time on doing just that with the precious time we now have.

Let's come out of this social distancing wiser, stronger and more put together than we have ever have been before.  Not just so that we can look the part, but so we can make it all work properly too.

Tuck Everlasting

If you had to opportunity to live forever, would you take it?  In light of the fact that every day more and more people are dying around the world from Covid -19, it seems odd that I should pick up a book that challenges my beliefs regarding life and death.

Stop for a moment and ask yourself: is it better to live a long life that cannot end, or is it better to end a life that you have fully lived?

It's a tough one, no?  I'm sure that there are many people in the world right now that would gladly take immortality as they face the fear of death (in general) but especially from Covid-19.

In Natalie Babbit's novel Tuck Everlasting, we are faced with this very question.  I actually grabbed the audio version of this book in a frantic haze just before March Break started.  When I heard that my local community center and precious library were going to be shutting down to "flatten the curve" in my community I figured we'd never last a day at home shut out from the world without a few books and movies.

So off I went with my library card in hand and one hour to get enough to occupy my family and I for the next several weeks.

But when I brought the selection of books and movies home, my youngest daughter took one look at the books and wrinkled her nose.  She said that she simply wasn't interested (and here I thought we shouldn't judge a book by it's cover).

I had heard about Tuck Everlasting as a classic novel and knew that it had been adapted into movies and as stage productions.  Figuring that it had to have some merit to be nominated for so many awards, I thought I'd give it a go and then see if I could truly recommend the book to my daughter.

As it turns out, the book became more than a simple recommendation for a 10 year old.  It honestly got me thinking about so much more.

Every time I tune into the news or read the latest chat room gossip it's all about Covid-19 and the turmoil that we're facing globally.

So when I began the book and quickly discovered that it was a book about immortality it got me thinking that there are millions of people out there right at this exact moment who would love to have the Tuck's secret weapon of immortality to keep themselves alive during this trying time.

Or, would they?

You see, as you read this book you begin to realize that immortality is not as appealing as it first seems.  Granted, to never get sick or age sounds quite pleasant doesn't it?  But in the end as is explained by Angus Tuck, he and his family cannot live life to the fullest because without death they aren't truly part of the circle of life.

He argues that without death there is no life.  You are merely a "rock stuck at the side of a stream."

I most certainly do not wish anyone to become infected or die from Covid-19 but I do see the benefit in us all going through this ordeal.  As we all wrack our brains to stay safe and socially distance ourselves hasn't it given us the opportunity to stop and reflect on what matters most?

Hasn't it given you the opportunity to clean out that closet that's be plaguing you for months?

Hasn't it forced you to reach out to the people you love the most to connect and take good care of them?

Hasn't it given you a chance to slow down and do things that matter to you with more care?

As I've said before, people and how we treat one another, are what matters the most in life (the rest is all bull shit).  For those of us who are not essential services and are not allowed to go into work due to government interventions, rather than rant and rave about how bored you are, look at what you are doing with your life.  You're alive!  How do you plan on spending your time on this earth?  Knowing that a virus can spread and attack the entire human race makes you realize how very fragile it all is.

This time of social distancing is ironically allowing us to find a way to get closer to those and that which matters most. Take the time to take care of yourself, your loved ones, your home, your neighborhood and this earth because although it seems like we are on this earth for a lifetime, it is not an everlasting ride.

Seize the day and the many more to come: get creative, try something new, and finish something that needs finishing.

It might feel like being tucked away in our homes is never ending but this too shall pass.  Life your life to the fullest.

Start Using Your Good Dishes, For Real

I just finished reading Margery Williams' children's book The Velveteen Rabbit.  You might be wondering why I decided to read a children's story.  Well, although I read this book years ago as a child, in recent months it has been referenced in the books I've read on two separate occasions.  One specific part of The Velveteen Rabbit was quoted and I felt like it was a sign.  I heard a voice calling which got me thinking that there is something there for me to find.

So, I went out and got my hands on the book and re-read it in all its glory as a full fledged adult.  I didn't even read it to my kids - I read it for me (which I think kind of weirded my kids out - oh well).

The section of the book that was referenced was the part where the bunny asks the skin horse, "What is real?"  and then the horse explains it to him:  ""Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you.  When a child loves you for a long, long time not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, than you become Real.""

The rabbit listens and understands that becoming real is difficult.  In becoming real you get to be loved but in the process your hair thins out, your whiskers fall out and you get "very shabby".  Being real, The Skin Horse explains, is not about how you were made, it's about what happens to you in life.

Being real, I realized is ultimately about allowing yourself to live fully by opening yourself up to being vulnerable.

By being vulnerable we allow ourselves to be loved.  As the Skin Horse points out, if we have edges that are too sharp or break easily then we cannot live fully.  We have to be tough and not break easily otherwise we cannot truly live life to the fullest.  The Skin Horse continues by clarifying that real isn't ugly.  Even though the prospect of becoming damaged as a result of being vulnerable sounds ugly, it is not, "except to people who don't understand."

How often do you place yourself in a position of vulnerability?  How often do you allow yourself to be open to love and living life to the fullest?  Will you let yourself run the risk of getting hurt?  Of getting damaged, lost, abused, or forgotten?

Too often we look at vulnerability and think, nope - that's not for me!  I'd rather not be used.  I'd rather not be abused.  I'd rather not be forgotten.  I'd rather protect myself.

But here's the thing; by protecting yourself you end up being trapped.  You can't experience love and life and all of its joys if you're hiding yourself away in fear of becoming damaged.

This makes me think of the good dishes that sit in my china cupboard.  Every time I pull them the guests' nervousness is palpable.  You see, most people keep their good china safe in the china cabinet for many years.  It remains in pristine condition because it is only used on rare occasions.  It's special, delicate, and expensive, so logically one doesn't want it to get damaged.  Makes sense, I guess.  Do you know someone like that?  Maybe that's you?

Honestly, as much as it makes sense I just don't get it.  I really, really don't.  What's the point of beautiful dishes that one never gets to use and enjoy?  You may as well not have them at all!

I'd rather use my good dishes.

I'd rather see my dishes be used even if it means they could get broken.  I'd rather them become chipped and lose their sheen than be locked in the cupboard never to be pulled out waiting for "one special day".  Dishes that get used get to see family and friends sitting around the table, they get to hear the latest scandals and updates and laugh at the politically incorrect jokes by the inappropriate uncles.  They get to witness my children and nieces grow up and blossom into beautiful young women.  The dishes in the cupboard miss out because they remain trapped - never living to their full potential.

Now I know that people are not good china, but here's what I'm beginning to understand; as I'm starting to see the tell tale signs of growing older and aging I can see the chips and loss of sheen when I look at myself in the mirror.  Sometimes it kind of scares me.  I can see the wrinkles and grey hair peeking over the corners of my eyes and hiding above my temples.

The older I get the more shabby I seem to look.  The older I get the more chances I've had to be broken and hurt.  The older I get the more I put myself out there.  As such I am carry the scars that tell my life story and make me who I am.

Are you getting shabbier too?  Or are you sitting in the china cupboard waiting for one day to come out and experience life?

Even though I can see myself getting shabbier every year, the older I get the fuller my heart is.  The older I get the more joys I have experienced.  Sometimes it feels like with age, the load of life gets heavier but at the same time I'm also getting stronger.

In spite of life's heavy load and all that shabbiness that comes with age The Velveteen Rabbit reminded me that along with all of that we become real.

Real means we've lived.  Real means we were alive.  Real means we were engaged in life and yes, sometimes hurt along the way but in the end we sure as hell had one good ride.

Real means we've allowed ourselves to be vulnerable and come out the other side scythed yet lovely and beautiful.  Real means we don't just sit in the cupboard waiting for a special occasion to be seen.

Let's be vulnerable and embrace the shabbiness of life.  Let's pull out the good dishes for the sake of being real.

The Power of Perspective

What if I told you that the life you are living today is a construction of your imagination?

Now, don't get me wrong.  I'm not saying that your life is imaginary and that no one else can see it.  What I'm saying is that everything that you think to be true is only true because you think it to be.  That the reality of your life's events are entirely based on how you decided to see things.

It's your version — your perception.

Does this freak you?  Do you think I'm nuts?

Or, does this make you feel incredibly powerful?

Gustav Flaubert said, "There is no truth.  There is only perception".  When I first heard this quoted by a dear colleague of mine I remember blowing her off thinking, what the hell is she talking about?  There are certain things in this world that we know to be right or wrong, true or false.  To be honest I thought she was a bit nuts at the time.

But then I got to thinking...

Maybe there's some truth to the idea that there is no reality, only perception.

The truth of this saying was never more clear to me than when I finished reading The Girls by Lori Lansens.  This book fascinated me because the main characters Ruby and Rose Darlen are craniopagus twins.  That means that they are conjoined at the head.

What I found most striking about this novel is how Lansens cleverly writes Ruby and Rose's story from each of their perspectives.  The novel takes the form of an autobiography that oscillates between the two sisters.  As you read, you put together the bits and pieces of the lives that these two girls lived.  Clues that are dropped by one sister are explained by the other.  Stories that are half told from one sister are clarified or sometimes made more complex by the other.

Although Rose and Ruby were often lumped together as one single person and nicknamed "the girls", they led two distinct lives side by side.  Even though they shared the same DNA and exact life experiences, they ended up having two very different experiences.

For me, this blew my mind. 

Even though the two girls share the exact same genetic makeup and have the exact same life experiences, which means that they have the same genetic predispositions and environmental influences, as they told their story they saw events in two entirely different ways.  Their perspectives were most certainly not the same.

In some cases, their perspectives were radically different.

But why?

Enter in, the power of perspective.

I've heard so many people complain about their life.  I helpfully respond by suggesting a different point of view or an alternative way to perceive the situation only to have them retort with an "easy for you to say" response.

To me that's a cop out.

Only you have control on how you see your life and look at the world.  And only you have the power to make the shift from victim to victor.

Imagine the power of a second chance at living your life?  No, not re-incarnation, but the same body and existence with the ability to experience it all differently.  The chance to step out of your reality and place yourself a new position.  Kind of like shifting from being Rose to being Ruby.

Your life would then be simultaneously the same and completely different all at once.

That my friends, is the power of perspective.