I just finished reading Margery Williams' children's book The Velveteen Rabbit. You might be wondering why I decided to read a children's story. Well, although I read this book years ago as a child, in recent months it has been referenced in the books I've read on two separate occasions. One specific part of The Velveteen Rabbit was quoted and I felt like it was a sign. I heard a voice calling which got me thinking that there is something there for me to find.
So, I went out and got my hands on the book and re-read it in all its glory as a full fledged adult. I didn't even read it to my kids - I read it for me (which I think kind of weirded my kids out - oh well).
The section of the book that was referenced was the part where the bunny asks the skin horse, "What is real?" and then the horse explains it to him: ""Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, than you become Real.""
The rabbit listens and understands that becoming real is difficult. In becoming real you get to be loved but in the process your hair thins out, your whiskers fall out and you get "very shabby". Being real, The Skin Horse explains, is not about how you were made, it's about what happens to you in life.
Being real, I realized is ultimately about allowing yourself to live fully by opening yourself up to being vulnerable.
By being vulnerable we allow ourselves to be loved. As the Skin Horse points out, if we have edges that are too sharp or break easily then we cannot live fully. We have to be tough and not break easily otherwise we cannot truly live life to the fullest. The Skin Horse continues by clarifying that real isn't ugly. Even though the prospect of becoming damaged as a result of being vulnerable sounds ugly, it is not, "except to people who don't understand."
How often do you place yourself in a position of vulnerability? How often do you allow yourself to be open to love and living life to the fullest? Will you let yourself run the risk of getting hurt? Of getting damaged, lost, abused, or forgotten?
Too often we look at vulnerability and think, nope - that's not for me! I'd rather not be used. I'd rather not be abused. I'd rather not be forgotten. I'd rather protect myself.
But here's the thing; by protecting yourself you end up being trapped. You can't experience love and life and all of its joys if you're hiding yourself away in fear of becoming damaged.
This makes me think of the good dishes that sit in my china cupboard. Every time I pull them the guests' nervousness is palpable. You see, most people keep their good china safe in the china cabinet for many years. It remains in pristine condition because it is only used on rare occasions. It's special, delicate, and expensive, so logically one doesn't want it to get damaged. Makes sense, I guess. Do you know someone like that? Maybe that's you?
Honestly, as much as it makes sense I just don't get it. I really, really don't. What's the point of beautiful dishes that one never gets to use and enjoy? You may as well not have them at all!
I'd rather use my good dishes.
I'd rather see my dishes be used even if it means they could get broken. I'd rather them become chipped and lose their sheen than be locked in the cupboard never to be pulled out waiting for "one special day". Dishes that get used get to see family and friends sitting around the table, they get to hear the latest scandals and updates and laugh at the politically incorrect jokes by the inappropriate uncles. They get to witness my children and nieces grow up and blossom into beautiful young women. The dishes in the cupboard miss out because they remain trapped - never living to their full potential.
Now I know that people are not good china, but here's what I'm beginning to understand; as I'm starting to see the tell tale signs of growing older and aging I can see the chips and loss of sheen when I look at myself in the mirror. Sometimes it kind of scares me. I can see the wrinkles and grey hair peeking over the corners of my eyes and hiding above my temples.
The older I get the more shabby I seem to look. The older I get the more chances I've had to be broken and hurt. The older I get the more I put myself out there. As such I am carry the scars that tell my life story and make me who I am.
Are you getting shabbier too? Or are you sitting in the china cupboard waiting for one day to come out and experience life?
Even though I can see myself getting shabbier every year, the older I get the fuller my heart is. The older I get the more joys I have experienced. Sometimes it feels like with age, the load of life gets heavier but at the same time I'm also getting stronger.
In spite of life's heavy load and all that shabbiness that comes with age The Velveteen Rabbit reminded me that along with all of that we become real.
Real means we've lived. Real means we were alive. Real means we were engaged in life and yes, sometimes hurt along the way but in the end we sure as hell had one good ride.
Real means we've allowed ourselves to be vulnerable and come out the other side scythed yet lovely and beautiful. Real means we don't just sit in the cupboard waiting for a special occasion to be seen.
Let's be vulnerable and embrace the shabbiness of life. Let's pull out the good dishes for the sake of being real.
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