So this summer has been a bit of a reading desert for me. I certainly didn't read nearly as much as I usually do. It's not as bad as I initially thought; now that I've added my summer titles it appears like a decent amount but it's certainly nowhere close to my norm.
Why, you ask? I can think of a few reasons that lead to this outcome:
One, I tried to finish off reading a couple of books that I wasn't loving. I really, really, really tried to get through them and I was hating it. I kept putting them down and putting it off. This was not a joyful way to read and made me feel stagnant and it stopped me from devouring book after book.
Two, I got deep into a podcast that took up a lot of my time. It was exactly what I needed this summer and I'm so glad I did it. But, rather than pick up a book or plug into my audio book, I pressed play for my podcast. Although it took me away from my reading goal it was #worthit.
Three, I felt like reading might have been a bit of an avoidance tactic. Rather than deal with the shit that I needed to deal with, rather than look inwardly, rather than sit in silence, I was filling my life with somone else's words. When I came to this realization, I decided I needed a bit of mental silence. I needed to hear my own thoughts and just be with me for a while.
But then again, being the reader that I am, I recently picked up a random book and started at it again and I'm feeling a nice balance between the voices in my head and the silence within. Although I may not reach my 50 books for 2023 because of it but I'm ok with that. I'm feeling calm. I'm feeling in tune. I'm ok either way. And as simple as this radical acceptance sounds, this is certainly not how I've managed my life in the past.
Typically, I'm so hard on myself and demand not just "trying my best" but "being the best". It wasn't helping me; it was crippling me. I know you're out there too calling yourself a "perfectionist" but honesly, calling yourself a perfectionist is just a way of covering up feelings of insecurity. I'm not being harsh; I'm saying it as I've realized it about myself and I'm learning to just deal with it and love myself more. You can too!
Be gracious. Be gentle. Be loving. Be you in all your imperfections.
It's ok!
As for my reading desert it's kind of led me to a summer of self love and calmness. It's been a buffet of just being, of turning inward in order to open up. It's been a sweet time for me to be there for me. We're just finishing off this long weekend of September and it's the first time that I have truly, fully and intentionally enjoyed just being home in my own company. I'm enjoying my staycation by simply being present in my life, with my family and spending quality time with myself. It's been good. Really, really good.
Ending the summer with a few good books has been a great last course to this summer buffet of self love. I hope you can find a sweet ending to your summer too.
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