My Resolution to Flourish

I begin 2024 with a deep sense of pride. I am proud of what I have accomplished in the past year and how far I've come since I began making myself a priority. Too often, we start a new year with a resolution (a tradition that I loathe). What are New Year's Resolutions anyway? Just a collective self-deception that things will change just by wishing it to be so.

As I look back on some of the posts in this blog, I realize that, while they are not perfect, I see myself reflected in each one. I see my mindset, the deep changes I've undergone, some intense and sincere thoughts, emotions, and reflections. But most of all, I see my resolution to live life fully every day and to create for myself a life full of musings that inspire me to share with you (my dearest reader).

I don't feel awkward or ashamed to say I'm proud. And if I'm being 100% honest, I see my value for what feels like the first time ever. Mind you, I don't see it in every single aspect of my life, but I do see it in my intentional turning inwards, in my resolution to prioritize myself and my values. By doing so, I have opened up, and I can see and feel that I am flourishing.

What a great word. Flourishing.

What better word to describe exactly what I am feeling and how I am doing.

Don't get me wrong. It isn't a passive act. It is an ongoing intentional choice that requires dedication and resolve. I am prioritizing myself. I am examining my life, actions, behaviors, and words, determining if they are yielding the life that I want to live. It's hard work every day. Sometimes it's exhausting, but by doing so, I'm shedding some long-held seeds of self-doubt and finding that I am indeed flourishing!

I owe so much of this to some simple changes that I have made, to changing my perspective, to switching up how I spend my time, to prioritizing my health, to paying attention to what I put in my body, to curating with whom I spend my time, and to setting time for me to be in my own company.

If you're looking to do this too, be warned that it is hard work. You must be ready for it and willing to show up every day. There is no room for half-hearted attempts here, my friend.

You must carefully craft each aspect of your life so that it reflects who you truly are. If you find a problem, a void, or a contradiction, no one is going to change it for you. YOU are your best agent for change. YOU are capable of anything to make your life one that you feel fulfilled by and proud of. YOU have all the strength and ability to create whatever it is you desire. YOU just have to start doing whatever needs to be done by starting with one small step at a time.

Make that phone call.

Send that text.

Take that course.

Throw away that thing which no longer serves you.

Set aside time to do that right now.

Don't wait one more minute.

Don't wait for that fateful "one day" that will never come. Stop doubting yourself. Turn inwards to find who you truly are, what you truly love and value, and make your days reflect those many wonderful things that make you exactly who you were meant to be. Make this your resolution. Resolve to be steadfast to yourself, and undoubtedly you too will flourish.

Think Like the Dying for a Life That's Worth Living

I'm in the process of growing some ideas about my career and where I see my future headed.  The crazy thing is that the more I open my heart, mind and soul to the possibility of doing something that really and truly makes me happy the more I've finding possibilities opening up before me.  

Although I'm not really ready to leave my career, I know that I can't do this forever; one, because I'm due to retire at some point and am simply looking foward to a change, and two, because this field has changed so fundamentally that I don't know if I want to be part of what it's becomming.

That being said, even though change in inevitable and I'm sure to enter a different chapter in my life at some point, I'm seeking ways to start laying the foundation for that future and redirecting my time towards the things that bring me great joy and will nourish my soul.  I don't want to find myself retiring with no idea of what I want to do with myself.

I know teaching has been a calling for me and that ultimately it is the life that I wanted; but if I'm being honest it's also the life that was expected of me based on society and based on my parents' expectations.  They are great parents and wanted me to have a secure job with great benefits and a pension.  That makes sense.  And I really and truly appreciate this part of my reality.  But did it lead me to the job that I really and truly in my heart of hearts wanted?

I dunno.

In Bronnie Ware's The Top Five Regrets of The Dying she shares inspirational life lessons that most people only come to learn on their death beds.  Here they all are in a nutshell:

Live the life YOU want.

Don't work so hard.

Allow yourself to have fun.

Stay in touch with friends.

Do not be afraid to express your true emotions.

So here I am thinking about what my future may hold and how I might be able to build more joy into an education system that has made me deeply, deeply unhappy since the start of the pandemic.  Don't get me wrong, I know that change can be good but the changes that were made were forced upon us and the end result left the classroom a dead husk of what it once was.  We need time to rebuild and reconsider what we're doing and to turn our faces away from screens and back towards one antoher's beautiful faces.

Becuase of where I am in my life and the state of education I'm asking myself if I'm living the life that I want?  Why am I working so hard 18 years into being a teacher (yes I know it's because I care but it's also becuase the system was turned into a shit show).  I'm asking myself, what do I do to really have fun, both in my personal life and while I'm at work.  What do I really and truly emjoy and how can I include that regularly in my life?

With the exception of my first year of teaching, the year the entire curriculum changed (and I changed schools at the same time), the pandemic was, by far one of the most challenging times in my career.  I worked so damn hard and the worst part is that I ended each day having felt like a failure.  This is because we aren't meat to grow up behind a screen.  We don't always learn best from a video or a document or a website.  The pervasive feeling of failure was hard to swallow and lead me to a very dark point in my life.

But since then, I've focused on enjoying life and having fun.  I've focused on reconnecting with old friends (whom, by the way were all so glad to hear from me and to this day contine to chat or meet regularly).  That has been a balm to my soul.  I've always known the importance of friends but I wasn't until I had lost touch with many of them that I realized what I was truly missing.

All of this I was doing without having read Ware's book.  Pretty incredible that I was led down this path through self reflection, meditation, and therapy in my 40s!

My last effort is in regards to beign brave enough to express how I truly feel.  I'm getting better and better at this.  Specifically when it comes to discussing mental health and what I've learned through therapy.  Funny enough I've noticed that my openness to my feelings and experiences can sometimes make peopel quite uncomfortable.  But I've come to learn that this discomfort is short lived and often helps others open up.  By being brave enough to show up emotionally, you'd be surprized how it makes space and inspires other to do the same.

What can you do to live your life to the fullest?  Are you living the life you truly want for yourself?  Do you have enough fun or are you working too much?  Are you connected with your friends?  Are you expressing your emotions and sharing how you truly feel?

Please!  Don't want until it's too late!  Don't end your life looking in the rearview mirror wishing you had done things differently.  Start rethinking your life now and build it so that you can live a joyful, peaceful, and enlightened life NOW! 

If You Feed It, It Will Grow

Can you name the movie with that famous line, "If you build it, they will come"?  I can tell you that I have jokingly used that line many times not really thinking about what it actually means.  In fact, I can still see the image of the baseball field and the ghost players coming out from among the corn stalks towards the diamond.

If you know what I'm talking about then you'd know that I'm talking about Field of Dreams starring Kevin Costner.

Find Your Purpose and Reset Your Life

There's been a lot of news out there recently.  I admit that I scour the headlines everyday (sometimes twice a day) to keep up with what's going on in the world and especially because I want to stay abreast of what's happening the the global fight against Covid-19.  Too often the news I read is merely informative, scary or frustrating.  That being said, every now and again I come across something that is worth my while.

The following article has to be one of the best things I've come across recently and thought it would a good idea to share it with you my dear readers as it is very much in line with this blog.  

Please take a moment to read and let me know what you think:

Finding Purpose In This Pandemic: Use This Crisis To Reset Your Life

At the end of the article are some very poignant questions.  If you feel so inclined I'd love to hear your response to any of these questions:

What values do I want my life to stand for?

What mark do I wish to make?

What kind of person do I want to be others?

At life’s end, how do I want to measure success?

Some Literal And Figurative Spring Cleaning In The Weeks Ahead

I picked up State of the Union by Nick Hornby on the basis of a staff recommendation at my local public library.  It's a short novel that reads more like a play with its heavy use of dialogue and I plowed through it in one day (thanks to Covid-19, I had some time to kill).

From this book I'd like to share with you a short passage that I found to be insightful and thought provoking.  On page 89, as Louise and Ted meet again for a drink at a pub before going into their next marriage therapy session, they discuss the state of their marriage and what they can do about it:


""The trouble is, marriage is like a computer.  You can take it apart to see what's inside, but then you're left with a million pieces."

Louise sighs in despairing agreement, and then rallies.

"How about this?" she says.  "We shove the big bits back in, chuck the small ones away, close it up, and get on with things."

"But it won't work."

"It won't work, but it will look like a computer."

"Is that what you want?  A marriage that looks like a marriage? Even though it won't work?""


This passage really struck me.  The image of a marriage that looks like a marriage even though it doesn't work sounded all too familiar; not because my own marriage is a sham, but because I have seen how certain aspects of my life can become a hot mess if I don't care for them properly. When I think about this I think about my home, health, relationships, personal happiness, and self worth.  How much of my life has the appearance of being great to others but deep inside they are really just a mismatch of parts that don't exactly fit.

Come on guys, you know what I'm talking about, right?

Anything on your "one day I'm gonna..." list is what I'm really talking about here.  The things that are outta wack in your life and bug you but you simply haven't had the time or the energy to set them right.  The things that nag at you but you just live with because for all intents and purposes, everything looks OK from the outside, so why the hell not just continue on with the status quo?

Well now is the time to put the pieces back together (and not just shove them back in).

As we continue to face weeks of social distancing ahead of us, this is the ideal time for some tidying up.  I mean, of course clean out that closet that needs attention, but also consider the other areas of your life that have been a bit of a mess. Is this not a great opportunity to do some literal and figurative spring cleaning?

What ever your goals may be, is it not a great opportunity take your "computer" apart and figure out how to properly put it back together again (not just shove it into something that looks sort of right but in the end simply does not work)?

My dear readers, we can focus on the negativity of the pandemic or we can search for the goodness that is hiding behind it.  Can you see the silver lining behind all that we are all going through right now?

I can.

We will make it through the times ahead.  Making it through is all many of us can really do - get through and just get on with it.  But you my dear reader, can make it through and and do so much more than that.

Let's do a bit of spring cleaning.  Let's not just focus on literal cleaning up.  Let's look at it on a more figurative level.

Let's reexamine our values and goals and compare that to how we spend our time.  Let's try to re-connect to what really makes our hearts glad.  Let's focus our time on doing just that with the precious time we now have.

Let's come out of this social distancing wiser, stronger and more put together than we have ever have been before.  Not just so that we can look the part, but so we can make it all work properly too.

Tuck Everlasting

If you had to opportunity to live forever, would you take it?  In light of the fact that every day more and more people are dying around the world from Covid -19, it seems odd that I should pick up a book that challenges my beliefs regarding life and death.

Stop for a moment and ask yourself: is it better to live a long life that cannot end, or is it better to end a life that you have fully lived?

It's a tough one, no?  I'm sure that there are many people in the world right now that would gladly take immortality as they face the fear of death (in general) but especially from Covid-19.

In Natalie Babbit's novel Tuck Everlasting, we are faced with this very question.  I actually grabbed the audio version of this book in a frantic haze just before March Break started.  When I heard that my local community center and precious library were going to be shutting down to "flatten the curve" in my community I figured we'd never last a day at home shut out from the world without a few books and movies.

So off I went with my library card in hand and one hour to get enough to occupy my family and I for the next several weeks.

But when I brought the selection of books and movies home, my youngest daughter took one look at the books and wrinkled her nose.  She said that she simply wasn't interested (and here I thought we shouldn't judge a book by it's cover).

I had heard about Tuck Everlasting as a classic novel and knew that it had been adapted into movies and as stage productions.  Figuring that it had to have some merit to be nominated for so many awards, I thought I'd give it a go and then see if I could truly recommend the book to my daughter.

As it turns out, the book became more than a simple recommendation for a 10 year old.  It honestly got me thinking about so much more.

Every time I tune into the news or read the latest chat room gossip it's all about Covid-19 and the turmoil that we're facing globally.

So when I began the book and quickly discovered that it was a book about immortality it got me thinking that there are millions of people out there right at this exact moment who would love to have the Tuck's secret weapon of immortality to keep themselves alive during this trying time.

Or, would they?

You see, as you read this book you begin to realize that immortality is not as appealing as it first seems.  Granted, to never get sick or age sounds quite pleasant doesn't it?  But in the end as is explained by Angus Tuck, he and his family cannot live life to the fullest because without death they aren't truly part of the circle of life.

He argues that without death there is no life.  You are merely a "rock stuck at the side of a stream."

I most certainly do not wish anyone to become infected or die from Covid-19 but I do see the benefit in us all going through this ordeal.  As we all wrack our brains to stay safe and socially distance ourselves hasn't it given us the opportunity to stop and reflect on what matters most?

Hasn't it given you the opportunity to clean out that closet that's be plaguing you for months?

Hasn't it forced you to reach out to the people you love the most to connect and take good care of them?

Hasn't it given you a chance to slow down and do things that matter to you with more care?

As I've said before, people and how we treat one another, are what matters the most in life (the rest is all bull shit).  For those of us who are not essential services and are not allowed to go into work due to government interventions, rather than rant and rave about how bored you are, look at what you are doing with your life.  You're alive!  How do you plan on spending your time on this earth?  Knowing that a virus can spread and attack the entire human race makes you realize how very fragile it all is.

This time of social distancing is ironically allowing us to find a way to get closer to those and that which matters most. Take the time to take care of yourself, your loved ones, your home, your neighborhood and this earth because although it seems like we are on this earth for a lifetime, it is not an everlasting ride.

Seize the day and the many more to come: get creative, try something new, and finish something that needs finishing.

It might feel like being tucked away in our homes is never ending but this too shall pass.  Life your life to the fullest.

Are You Willing To Pay The Price?

Sometimes I find myself rereading books that I have already read.  Sometimes it's because: a) I really loved it and want to reread that book and enjoy it a second time, b) I feel like I need a second read to fully absorb what the book had to say, and c) I completely forgot that I had read it in the first place (oops!).

When it came to Robert T. Kiyosaki's Rich Dad's Guide to Becoming Rich I must admit that it was a little bit of option b) and c).  First of all I honestly and completely forgot that I had read this book (come on, it was book #35 out of 71 books that I read in 2019...can you forgive me for forgetting?) and secondly, I really needed a second reading to truly be able to make sense of what I wanted to get out of the book.

As you can imagine Rich Dad's Guide to Becoming Rich has to do with financial management.  This, if you know me at all, is not something I am passionate about.  I mean I'd love to be rich but I'm not really into learning all about it how to do it (dumb, I know).  If I'm going to be completely honest here, if I never had to think about financial management ever again in my life, I wouldn't feel any sense of loss.  I am not passionate about it and honestly, I don't feel like I'm good at it so of course (what do we do when we feel insecure?) I kind of, sort of, (ok fine) almost totally, try to completely avoid it if I can.

But you and I both know that avoiding financial management is a recipe for disaster.  I know that I need to smarten up and get more financially literate.  So in true character, I went out and read a book about it.  Actually as I already admitted, I read a book TWICE about it.

As I read this book for the second time I could distinctly remember the narrative portion of the book.  The little stories that Kiyosaki told to illustrate his points clicked with me and I remembered them well.  But a lot of the advice specific to financial management felt like I had never heard at all.  Like it was completely new information.

Yikes!

I believe that when we're uncomfortable with something in life, even if we want to make a positive change about it, we have to take a deep breath and then move forward in baby steps.  We need to start in the shallow end and then work our way into the deep.  We need to stay within a comfortable zone so that we can move in the right direction and not drown on the spot.

Consider someone who is sedentary who wants to become fit - should they start by training for a marathon or should they start by getting up and walking to the mailbox?

For me, reading the book a second time helped me identify what I have been doing, the small changes to my finances that I have already made, and some potential changes that are in my future.  It's not like I got nothing out of the first read of the book; it helped me make some changes that were akin to walking to the mailbox.  For someone who's not into financial management there was only so much I could take in the first time around.  This time around, I got quite a lot more out of it.

I admit that I've had to get up and walk to the mail box when it comes to financial literacy.  I'm no where near a marathon and I'm not ashamed to admit it.  We all have our strengths and weaknesses and money management isn't my forte.  But if I'm willing to make a change, to learn, to do something different, then to me it's not a weakness; it's an area for improvement.

Financial literacy is one of my areas of improvement and I'm glad I read this book because it offered some great advice that applies not only to wealth building goals, but also to life building goals.

Don't we all have areas in our lives that need a change?  Are you looking to make an improvement?

Well I am.

After reading Rich Dad's Guide to Becoming Rich I realized that the key messages about financial management apply to almost any aspect of life you you're looking to change.

For example, how many of you feel like you're somehow a failure?  You've failed in your marriage, you've failed in your health, you've failed as a parent, you've failed at your job - the list can go on and on.

This book taught me that failure is a verb not a noun.  In fact, I say this to my students all the time.  We so often fail at something (verb) and then consider ourselves a failure (noun).  But that is not true.  The only true fail is when we don't even give something a chance.  As the great Wayne Gretzky said, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."

So many of us want to change areas in our lives that we feel we fail at but are we willing to get up and just do it.  Are you willing to do what it takes?  Are you willing to pay the price?

This book points out that in order to achieve something you need get going and pay the price.  Actually not just pay the price, but pay twice the price.

Want to get fit?  Not only do you need to pay the price by going to the gym, but you also need to Pay the price of eating healthier too.  Want to excel at your job?  For me, to be a better teacher for kids who struggle I can't just work on pedagogy and curriculum. I also have to know what it means to be a student who struggles and what the experience of sitting in a classroom is like for them. That's paying twice the price.

To get good at something we have to be willing to do the hard work that's required to get us there.  What's the hard work that you need to do in order to achieve your goals?  What is the price you have to pay?  Are you willing to pay it twice?

Whatever your goal just get moving.  Kiyosaki uses Newton's laws to make his point.  Not only do they make sense in terms of building weath, but they also work beautifully with achieving any goal.

How do you get started on making a change in life?  The answer: you need to get moving.  Consider Newton's law that you need a force to set something in motion.  Then, once in motion a body will stay in motion.  If you make no move for a change, a body a rest stays at rest.

To achieve your goals you need to interrupt the patterns of behavior that keep perpetuating the situation you are trying to change.  Get up off the couch and start walking.  Stop yelling at your kids and use deep breathing to control your frustration.  Stop buying stuff you don't need and put some money away each week.  Once you get moving you can then continue in that direction.  If you never start, you'll never get going.

I cannot think of a single behavior that cannot be interrupted by making a small change.  Both your action and inaction matter.

Yes, it might be hard.  Yes you might need to pay the price, but isn't reaching your goal worth it?

Kiyosaki points out that "You can become rich by being cheap, but the problem is that although you are rich, you are still cheap".  Really folks, at the end of the day if you try to achieve your goals by avoiding your problems, at the end of the day even though you've achieved your goals, you still have problems.  Nothing really changes.

Take charge to make a change and achieve your goals.  Building wealth in your life is about more than just money; it's about being willing to pay the price to achieve your life goals whatever they may be.