Silent No More

Lies, gossip, manipulation, deception, infidelity, loss, retaliation, insincerity, abduction, and bitterness.  Interested yet?

Well, I am (and I'm kind of not).

You see, I'm a softy.  I'm not a fan of any media that focus on this type of content.  So, as I read The Family Next Door by Sally Hepworth I found myself in a world that exposed me to this type of content.  As I read, I found myself asking, what is it about this story that draws people in?  I honestly had such trouble getting into it.  The book made me feel downright uncomfortable.

You guys, maybe I'm too much of a lightweight; perhaps I'm a bit of a schmuck.  Maybe I'm just too idealistic to get into this type of book.  Who knows?

What do know is this: when I'm reading a book (especially in light of what I'm trying to achieve here with this blog) I'm looking for some deep kernel of truth.  Some tiny seed buried in the depth of the novel that finds it's way to my heart and soul.  Some tiny (or huge) moment that forces me to reflect.  Something that helps me make meaning of this messy and complicated world that we live in.

Now in this book (at least for me, perhaps it would be different for you) what I found was silence.

No, literally.

Silence was at the core of this book.

Silence which left characters in difficult situations that led them to make some pretty bad choices.

Silence which caused them not to deal with their problems which only caused their problems to simply get worse.

Silence which caused irreparable damage to their relationships.

The deception, lies, and infidelity in this book made me uncomfortable.  I realized early on that I wasn't meshing with the characters.  I didn't like what they had to offer me but I held out and stuck it through and I'm glad I did.

Because I realized that if I didn't finish the book then I wouldn't be blogging about it.  There would be yet again, another moment of silence, this time on my part.

In reading books I often find myself seeking philosophies that validate my personal vision and deep need for positive thinking.  I seek out the vision that the author has to offer and look to align it with my own or determine how it might make me revise my perceptions.  This book didn't exactly do that for me, but it did make me realize something.

Perhaps there is comfort in reading about the nastiness of the world - maybe reading stories about cheating and indiscretion validates your experiences or makes you feel a little less guilty because there is someone out there (fictional or not) doing something worse than you?  In reading books like this you realize that you are not the world's biggest screw up.  There are others out there that have it bad.  You?  You're not so bad in comparison.

But is that what you truly want for your life?

In all honestly I don't consider myself a screw up even though I've screwed up plenty of times.  I know that I've needed to learn when to shut up and when to stand up and speak out.  It's been a journey and as I'm getting older and it's becoming clearer to me now more than ever that my voice is indeed powerful and needed in this world.  

However, the reality is that words are a double edged sword.  They can release and they can imprison.  They can heal and they can hurt.  They can create and they can destroy.

Too often I have walked through life in silence; not speaking up when I needed to.  Not telling others how I truly felt.  I feel truly blessed to be writing this blog because it has allowed me to say so much that would have otherwise gone unsaid and to free so many of my emotions and thoughts that would have otherwise remained trapped within me. 

Even now as we all struggle through the Covid-19 pandemic, I have found it difficult to write.  I have felt like the words are escaping me.  And the quieter I get, the worse I feel.  Getting back into reading and writing for this blog has proven to be rather helpful.

Here's why...

You see, for me reading books has always been a form of therapy.  Call it "bibliotheraphy" if you will.  If I have a problem, I get a book.  If I'm trying to improve some aspect of my life, I get a book.  If I'm having trouble getting along with a certain person, I get a book.  If I'm not wanting to deal with the issues that are going on in the great big world, I get a book.

I know it might seem weird but does anyone feel me?

Honestly, until I started writing about the books I was reading I was totally missing out on half of my therapy session.  Talking about the books is just as therapeutic as reading them.

So for those of you who read some of my more personal posts and wonder how I had the guts to lay out my personal story on the line, I have to tell you that rather than make me feel afraid and trapped, writing about it made me feel free.

Now that I'm writing this blog, the silence is broken and I feel more myself.  To be completely honest, this is a byproduct that I never expected.

By writing in this blog I am breaking the silence.  I am ending areas of conflict in my life, working out solutions to problems that I face, finding ways to cope with people who I find challenging and most importantly, rather than running away and hiding out with a book, I find myself coming to a better understanding of who I am within this crazy world.

I shall keep working through these challenging times as we all struggle to make sense of what will happen next.

I hope that you too will find a way to be heard.  I hope that you will feel and understand the importance of your voice.  I hope that you will acknowledge the double edge sword of words and be brave even if it scares you.

Now is the time to share your voice and be silent no more.